Not another city

[Sydney Dumaine]

[googlefont="Engagement"]

Dumaine, Sydney Next time you say “booby traps” look me in the eye. Are you ready for a whole new world of flavor up in yo face? Dallas Dumaine

Sydney had spent most of the last few days sleeping or getting sick. This was one hell of a time to be sick. Though she had a different suspicion. Right, if that was the case her partner was going to kill her. Right now she was still processing the whole married thing and had thrown all her things into the spare bedroom. They had agreed to putting her on birth control but she was also on a medication for her sleeping disorders. The FBI had offered them wedding rings but Sydney turned one down, she didn’t think that it was their place to define anything. There was just a ring she had owned for years there on her left hand. It could fool the untrained eye enough to get by at work. There were too many emotions and too many hormones for her.

So here she sat in the bathroom with the door closed and locked. Sydney was finally in tears. Emotions were her skeleton in the closet. They got to her but she’d managed so far to keep them out of the way. She’d already thrown things and tried to pretend that all of this way okay. No! She was not going to add this to everything that she wanted to discuss with him. She was doing what she did best hiding everything away and letting it out when no one was looking.

How was she supposed to process everything. Paige was dead, she wasn’t even herself but yet she was still. None of it even made sense to her. It was like trying to put together a piece of a puzzle when half the box was missing. There were instructions but it didn’t help. She wiped a stray tear as she sat perched on the side of the tub. Eyes drifted to her newly dyed hair. Though dark brown was her natural color she'd always dyed it for so long, it was unfamiliar to her. But that seemed to be the theme here lately, uncharted territory.

---

ISHY of THQ & ADOXOGRAPHY

[Dallas Dumaine]

[attr="class","drewnah"]

[attr="class","drewleft"] [attr="class","drewleft2"]

[attr="class","drewright"] Things had gotten... complicated. The CPD had burned their covers and, given the nature of their jobs, the Marshals had stepped in and created new lives for them. Quieter, domestic lives, teaching at Purdue University Northwest. He didn't know the first thing about teaching! Dallas began to play with the wedding band on his left hand. This wasn't the life he'd envisioned for himself. He didn't want to settle down or get married. He was supposed to be a DEA undercover agent! Yet this was the position he now found himself in. Considering his partner had thrown her belongings in their house's spare bedroom, she shared those same feelings. He supposed he could make the most out of a bad situation as he did some online shopping. Solsbury had been completely furnished by the government, but those were things neither of them had been able to bring with them. So, if the two of them were going to be living here, there were still a lot of things they needed. Admittedly the Marshal had done a good job setting them up with the essentials, but most of their home was still barren. Dallas frowned. There were at least fifteen different styles of couch on this page alone! Fifteen! Online shopping shouldn't be this hard, though this would be easier if a certain someone hadn't made herself scarce these past couple of days. This was something they should be doing together. Nonetheless, he continued to look over the available options. There. That one looked nice. He bookmarked it for her to look at later. A sound from the down the hall drew his attention and he looked up from his laptop. Was that... crying? His partner didn't cry—not once had he ever seen her break down, but he couldn't just do nothing. Closing the lid on his laptop, he went to check on her, but something caught his eye on his way, carelessly discarded in the trash. He bent down to pick it up and stopped cold. It was a pregnancy test. A positive pregnancy test. That wasn't possible. Paige—no, he had to stop and correct himself. His wife, Sydney, was on the pill. It wasn't the type of thing she'd just forget to take. That was why she didn't hesitate to make a show of swallowing it in front of him. So this had to be a mistake. Or a false positive. Or... something. Whatever the case, Dallas needed answers and he wasn't about to talk to Sydney through a bathroom door. He tried calling her name, but didn't hear a response. Then he tested the handle. Locked. Seriously, did she not remember that locks didn't stop him either? He retrieved a makeshift set of lock picks, opening the uncomplicated lock in a matter of seconds. Sydney was sitting on the side of the tub, tears streaking down her face, but Dallas did a double take. Her once blonde hair had been dyed a deep, dark shade of brown. The two partners had more pressing concerns to address. "I found this in the trash." He held up the pregnancy test. "Can you explain this to me?" Sydney Dumaine [attr="class","drewright2"]

deltra of gangnam style

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[Sydney Dumaine]

[googlefont="Engagement"]

Dumaine, Sydney Next time you say “booby traps” look me in the eye. Are you ready for a whole new world of flavor up in yo face? Dallas Dumaine

Complicated wasn't even the right word for things. More like turned her life completely upside down and decided to throw a tornado through it at the same time. If Dallas thought things were just... complicated, then she would be shortly explaining to him how this was sure as hell not the case. Well it was the case, just probably worse than he thought.

Sure they shared a bed at times and even enjoyed it; but Sydney and Dallas were at a completely different place in their life than Paige and Andrew. That is where the issue started. Partners with benefits or knocked up emotional wife who didn't understand what was going on in her life? Take your pick, but Sydney definitely didn't feel like trying to sort things out all at once like this. This was all a nightmare and she was going to wake up in her own bed in the morning. That had to be what this was.

The last thing on her mind right now was furniture shopping. There was too much else that was demanding her attention. She'd not even cared that she had thrown her things into a room that wasn't much more than a floor right now. There was a futon in there, but those weren't comfortable at all. The room was clearly meant to be a den or something right now. Whatever, it was better than nothing at all.

How was she supposed to explain this? It wasn't like she could claim she wasn't emotionally invested in anything right now while there were tears. What was she were they supposed to do? Right they were in this together? At least that is what the general idea was right? Now would be a really good time to wake up from this nightmare.

Right now the bathroom door was the only thing between Sydney and having to show her emotional whirlwind of hell to her husband. They didn't do emotions. How many times would she remind herself of that and be unable to stop the flow of tears? Quite honestly she could care less if he could pick a lock or not. He wasn't exactly to win a gold star for locking picking was he?

When he asked her to explain she didn't even lift her head in his direction. Show him that she was scared, oh hell no! "Everything going on and you ask me about the one thing I have no answers for" her voice was quiet and there was a moment of silence before she walked towards him. Eyes still at the ground. Yanking the test out of his hands she threw it against the wall.

"You watch me take my meds everyday! You think I know how this happened? The FBI didn't think to make me medical doctor." It was all she could think to reply with was defensive anger. Paige was a handful and snarky but she didn't usually just blow a gasket like this unless there was something really wrong. Paige was fun, level headed, and liked to enjoy life. But this was... this was not just some cover that was going to go away. This was the one thing they hadn't wanted in their relationship. She was going to wake up and this was all going to be okay. It had to be.

Paige wanted her space, she wanted to be alone so she could just let all of the emotion up. Very carefully she was going just the opposite bottling it all back inside. Eyes glanced into the bathtub where the positive test had landed. They had agreed to avoid this. How was this happening?

---

ISHY of THQ & ADOXOGRAPHY

[Dallas Dumaine]

[attr="class","drewnah"]

[attr="class","drewleft"] [attr="class","drewleft2"]

[attr="class","drewright"] Sydney had fired back verbally and physically, tearing the pregnancy test out of his hand and throwing it at the wall, where it fell into the bathtub. Dallas just shook his head, trying to make sense of the mess the two former agents now found themselves in. The way she was acting, this was no mistake. She really was pregnant. He couldn't keep the fear from beginning to creep into his voice. Something as small as a pregnancy test had done what the most hardened criminals hadn't been able to accomplish. Hell, he'd stared down the barrel of more than one gun and hadn't even blinked. He focused on Sydney. "What am I supposed to ask you?" The truth of that question was the worst part, but they couldn't just not address this. Dallas didn't know what else to say. Was there any question he could ask that didn't end with Sydney exploding on him? Thermonuclear meltdown didn't even begin to describe her state right now. He tried again, doing his best to keep as calm as possible. "I can ask any question you want me to. Would you prefer how are you feeling? Or, what are you thinking? Those seem to be pretty obvious answers." Dallas continued to work through his own gauntlet of emotions, having already reached his next stage. He laughed, struck by a sudden thought that really wasn't all that funny. Falling back on his training and turning on the bathroom sink to deter anyone that might be listening, he proceeded to march over to the tub and slide down against it, so that he sat on the bathroom tile. If they were going to be talking about their past lives, they needed to be careful. "The Marshals wanted us to blend in as a suburban couple teaching at the local university. Can we get any more 'white picket fence' than two college professors, living in a small house in a quiet neighborhood and expecting their first child together? Jackson and Bennett are never going to let us live this one down." Not that either one of them had made a concentrated effort to hide their… relationship at Solsbury. Not after the house's resident ICE agent had caught Paige slipping out of his bedroom in the early hours of the morning. Once Kelsey had discovered what was going on behind closed doors, there hadn't really been a point to try and keep it quiet. Dallas was convinced the entire house had known by breakfast. That hadn't been a problem. He could deal with his fellow agents knowing he was sleeping with his partner, but this… this was something else entirely. This was a disaster, and so far past complicated he still didn't know what to do with it. "I think we both enjoyed blowing off steam back at the house. We were partners… we were accessible… and it was convenient. It made sense to jump into bed together and alleviate built-up stress whenever we needed to." But a kid? That changed everything. Those were supposed to be for couples actively trying to get pregnant, to start a family. There was a reason Sydney was on the pill. Having a kid brought emotions into the picture. Emotions they weren't supposed to have. So much for no strings attached. "But I don't know the first thing about being a parent." He'd never explicitly talked to Sydney about his past, but she knew enough from their heated confrontation at the DEA field office. His childhood had been a troubled time and he preferred to leave it buried in the past. Maybe it was time to start unburying it. Explain why this could never work. Things were already screwed up. Sydney Dumaine [attr="class","drewright2"]

deltra of gangnam style

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[Sydney Dumaine]

[googlefont="Engagement"]

Dumaine, Sydney Next time you say “booby traps” look me in the eye. Are you ready for a whole new world of flavor up in yo face? Dallas Dumaine

"What am I supposed to ask you?" The now brunette haired professor had no idea. She'd let him have that one. Even if it was almost rhetorical in nature. Her feet were tucked up under her and she looked over at him as he tried to rephrase the question. "But I have answers for those" she answered. She knew what she was thinking and what she was feeling. But how did this happen when they were careful she didn't know.

Sydney was fighting trying to reign in her emotions that wasn't their thing. But she was scared out of her mind. She glanced up as he turned the water on and came over to sit nearby to her. "At least there is no being put on desk duty?" it wasn't really a question. More of something to distract her. There was no question that she was going to see these next nine months through; but then what?

"I'm not ready for the white picket fence. I'm not ready to be a parent." She wasn't really ready to be a wife either but she didn't want to hurt him. She did care about him. Her left hand came to her right wrist as she ran her thumb over the bone. Sydney glanced down as she moved the hand to his shoulder. The same motion started at his collarbone subconsciously. Dallas was the only person who could understand what she was feeling right now. She didn't think she really needed words.

"You are still my partner, that isn't changing." He didn't have to follow her. He didn't have to do this and yet here they both were. Technically that's what spouses were right? Lifelong partners. The more they sat here the more she realized they were going to have to talk about everything they had been avoiding talking about. Paige had always been good at telling Andrew things without bringing her emotions into things, unless you counted their blow up fight.

"We have to put this puzzle together, now or later. Let's just sort this." They two sorted things without emotions in the past and if was their default but Sydney had more of them now than she knew what to do with. "So many couples out there can't have kids. What about a private adoption?" She knew neither of them were ready for this. But she knew she wanted their child safe. There was no way she was going to trust the state.

Sydney clearly was willing to give life to their child; but beyond that she was scared. Scared he didn't want this, scared she was gonna do everything wrong. Scared that anything could go wrong. Her hand dropped back to her wrist this time her nail was digging into the side of the wrist. This is why she didn't do emotions, she became a crumbled mess that couldn't think.

This was all one big mistake, something the FBI had fudged up on. Sydney needed Dallas but wasn't the type to admit to needing anyone. "When I was little, I wanted the white picket fence family. It's funny how life has different ideas." It wasn't that she didn't still want it somewhere deep down. Just now was the worst timing possible for anything. Sydney wanted so badly to just run.

---

Ooc notes here

ISHY of THQ & ADOXOGRAPHY

[Dallas Dumaine]

[attr="class","drewnah"]

[attr="class","drewleft"] [attr="class","drewleft2"]

[attr="class","drewright"] Dallas was in much the same boat as Sydney, but where his partner wasn't ready for this, he'd never wanted it to begin with. He stopped bad people from doing bad things, so that other people could have this life. He never even noticed Sydney trace a familiar pattern along her wrist with her thumb, just as he failed to notice her stop only to duplicate that circular motion along his collarbone. The thought of a child shouldn't scare him nearly as much as it did, but if his past had taught him one thing, it was how easy it was to permanently screw up a child's life. "I thought adjusting to life as a college professor was going to be hard. I… don't know how to be a father. Growing up in abusive foster homes doesn't exactly set the best example for what to do." And that's when he didn't stumble into parents that just didn't care. He buried his head in his hands, thinking, hoping the answers might just fall into his lap. They didn't. "That's good," Dallas said, finally looking up. He'd made a choice to follow his partner—to have her back, no matter what—and he didn't regret that decision. Partners didn't abandon each other, not even when the going got rough. "Because I'm not going anywhere." If Sydney wanted them to work through this, to figure things out, then that's what they were going to do. Dallas nodded. They were adults, capable of having a reasonable discussion and reaching a decision. Her suggestion was a sound one, but it gave him pause. A private adoption? Were they really talking about giving their child up after birth? The idea was more palatable than a foster home, but Dallas remained unconvinced, and he played devil's advocate. "Is that really what you want? I'm scared. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't. We may not know what we're doing, Sydney, but at least the choices would be our own. We know we would never do anything to hurt the little guy… or girl—and isn't that enough? We can always learn the rest as we go along." Sydney Dumaine [attr="class","drewright2"]

deltra of gangnam style

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[Sydney Dumaine]

[googlefont="Engagement"]

Dumaine, Sydney Next time you say “booby traps” look me in the eye. Are you ready for a whole new world of flavor up in yo face? Dallas Dumaine

Sydney took her hand back and decided it was best to maybe just keep her hands to herself. Interlacing her hands with each other she tucked her knees up and set her head there. There was no one to call for advice. No one to steer her in the right direction. She had her partner which she was currently... not even sure where they stood. It was confusing enough. Picking one hand up and slamming it into the back wall of the tub. Her hand hit the wooden panels of the wall. It was enough to stop her from punching through the wall at least. Where had her life gone so far out of whack?

Sydney played with the ring where her wedding ring would go. Finally she looked over at Dallas they were in this together. He didn't have to go down with her. She just listened as he talked. Somewhere he admitted that he was scared. She could relate but they didn't talk about feelings but she didn't discount his feelings. This was a terrible conversation to be having when you were trying to figure out how your marriage was even supposed to work.

"I don't know what I really want right now" she stated. That was because nothing made sense not even her marriage. "We don't always see eye to eye, but this isn't my decision to make alone. It's ours. I'm scared of a lot right now. I'm trying to take square pegs and fit them into round holes." Was it so wrong to hope the pegs were smaller than the hole they weren't designed for? To force something to work in its own time?

"I can't promise there isn't a bumpy road a head of us" she held out her left hand, this had to be his decision too. "But I'm not willing to give up on anything" by that she meant everything involved. That included their marriage, the baby, the new life, and anything else thrown their way. She curled her other hand up under her chin and just waited for a response, at least being respectful enough to look him in the eye.

---

ISHY of THQ & ADOXOGRAPHY

[Dallas Dumaine]

[attr="class","drewnah"]

[attr="class","drewleft"] [attr="class","drewleft2"]

[attr="class","drewright"] Dallas couldn't blame Sydney when she tried to ram her fist through the back wall of the tub—though, of the two of them, she was typically the one to show more restraint. This whole situation had him confused. He felt like he was shifting through emotions faster than he could keep track—disbelief, fear, frustration. A part of him wanted to go back to the way things were: two DEA agents occasionally sharing a bed for fun. But just a part. He didn't know how to deal with this kind of change. When Sydney told him she wasn't sure what she wanted right now, he nodded in understanding. There was nothing quite like having a bombshell dropped on you, and this was one heck of a bombshell that had been dropped on them both. Enough for his partner to admit that she too was scared. They were both acting on fear, but neither one of them wanted to show it, was really capable of showing it. "Things are never easy, are they? A couple of weeks ago I would have thought I had everything all figured out. Now… I'm not sure where I stand—with you or with our new life together." So Dallas broached a subject he wasn't sure how to address. "I know we agreed not to do emotions. But those were different people—a different life. Maybe… maybe we should. Maybe we need to figure out where we stand." The rest of this might click into place once they figured that out. Hopefully. In name, he and Sydney were husband and wife, but their marriage had been a federal screw-up. And nothing more, if their situation were anything to judge it on. They were even sleeping in separate bedrooms. Dallas reached out to take her hand. She was right: these decisions had to be theirs. "We're married, but we're not. We're having a child together, but we can't even agree on us. Not really. You say you're not willing to give up on anything? So… tell me. Are we just going to be partners who occasionally share a bed? Or are we actually going to give this whole marriage thing a shot?" Dallas gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. He could learn to live with whatever she said, but she was going to have weigh in. The least he could do was support her while she did so. "Because we can't stay in limbo and expect to solve this." Dallas locked eyes with her. "I care about you, Sydney. If we choose to keep our child, I'll care for the little guy or girl too." Sydney Dumaine [attr="class","drewright2"]

deltra of gangnam style

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[Sydney Dumaine]

[googlefont="Engagement"]

Dumaine, Sydney Next time you say “booby traps” look me in the eye. Are you ready for a whole new world of flavor up in yo face? Dallas Dumaine

Drowning in emotions, Sydney should be used to that by now right? Or had she tried so hard to block them out and been partially successful? Her hand was met with the wood frame and skinning her hand she barely flinched. They didn't do emotions and they didn't go emotions, yet here they were. Part of her scared of what was coming, the other half of her almost being numb. The only family she had was sitting in the room with her. Yet they were trying to hard to put things back the way they were.

Dallas was right. Sydney didn't want to admit it but they had to figure this out. Otherwise who knew what the result would be. At least some point in his life he had things all figured out. Sydney just happened to be on one roller coaster after another. There was no time to breathe between them either it seemed. Sydney was sick to her stomach and then all this, "I don't have answers." Admitting she didn't know something for her was hard. She was smart and resourceful and knew what to do at the drop of a hat when it was a life or death situation. Yet she couldn't even figure out how she felt about her own marriage? Did she appreciate everything he did for her? Yes. Did she care about him? More than she cared to admit. Maybe it was enough to build on. Yet she wasn't so certain.

Sydney's head was facing her feet not really sure she could face him. It was a start and very shaky one at best. "What do you want Dallas?" No she was going to deflect as much as she could. He was the one who had dumped himself into this. That should have been enough to tell her the truth but she was blind, blonde and stupid. She felt his hand and she subconciously made a fist with her fingers squeezing his hand lightly in her grasp, but not so much that if he changed his mind it couldn't be withdrawn. Were either of them even ready for this?

When he reciprocated the squeeze to her hand the sides of her face curled up into a semi genuine half smile. Baby steps right? She finally looked up but then when he locked eyes with her she felt herself crumbling. "No... but do we have to sort this right this second?" Oh she was trying to avoid it like the plague, but was making a decision while she was this upset really going to be the right choice? "I don't want to make the wrong choice." What was the right choice here really? "Let me get my head around one thing at a time?" Sydney was admiting defeat, at least to herself, that she didn't feel strong enough to tackle this all at once. Getting up from the side of the tub she came over and wrapped her arms around him. "Can we start here?" it was a question and hug was innocent enough.

---

Ooc notes here

ISHY of THQ & ADOXOGRAPHY

[Dallas Dumaine]

[attr="class","drewnah"]

[attr="class","drewleft"] [attr="class","drewleft2"]

[attr="class","drewright"] Dallas found himself dealing in the rhetorical question department. His partner was asking what he wanted? Shouldn't that much be obvious? "You need to ask? If I didn't want to be here with you, do you really think I would have followed you into the unknown? I wouldn't have demanded SSA Oxford place us together—a package deal." He let out a deep sigh. That was hardly a fair answer. Someone needed to come out and say what they really wanted, or they were going to keep dancing around in circles, never able to admit the truth. He had prompted them in this direction, so perhaps that someone needed to be him. Sure, the benefits on the side were nice, but that wasn't why he had done this. He was a broken person—he always had been—but his partner helped make him a better one. That realization had dawned on him during their fight at the DEA lab. He needed to clarify earlier statements. "The truth is, Sydney, I want you. I care about you. Maybe more than you want me to admit. I have for a while now. I want to give this a shot. I want to give us a shot. You've always been there for me—had my back, even when I didn't want you to. Maybe that's not just the definition of a partner, but of a spouse too?" The last thing Dallas wanted to do was push Sydney. In his mind, the only thing they could do was keep moving forward, but this had to be her decision made on her time. Once his partner plopped down in his lap, he too wrapped his arms around her, keeping her close. "If you need more time to think things over, believe me, I understand. But we can't keep running from this and making non-decisions that get us nowhere. That's all we've been doing since we got here. Life is all about risk. We never really know which choice is the right one. Sometimes that means making the wrong one, but it makes picking the right one so much better." He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead—not the usual fare when it came to their relationship. He considered it a welcome change of pace from their aggressive stress release. "And I think I have a pretty good idea of what that is. Or are you telling me this doesn't feel good… doesn't feel right to you?" Nonetheless, if this is where Sydney wanted to start, he was okay with that. If this is as far as they got today, he was okay with that too. Sometimes, when it came to Sydney, you just had to know how to be flexible. The same applied to him, which somehow made this easier. "I just want you to know, when you make up your mind, when you decide what it is you want, I'll be waiting for you—whatever your answer." Deep, serious conversations that confronted his emotions weren't easy on him either. If there was one thing Sydney looked like she could use right now more than anything, it was a temporary distraction from their current situation. Even if she felt like punching him for it. He could oblige. "So… tell me. How is the temperature in that other bedroom?" Sydney Dumaine [attr="class","drewright2"]

deltra of gangnam style

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[Sydney Dumaine]

[googlefont="Engagement"]

Dumaine, Sydney Next time you say “booby traps” look me in the eye. Are you ready for a whole new world of flavor up in yo face? Dallas Dumaine

Hearing Dallas put it in stupid simple terms she shook her head. "I'm sorry Dallas.. I'm just not thinking clearly. I know that you didn't have to be here and it means a lot to me." Her hand came to his back when he sighed. He wasn't taking this easy and what was she doing? She was falling apart. Some partner that was. Though she listened to what he had to say. "If you are sure... I'll jump in headfirst. No question about that. Partner, spouse whichever." He'd thrown away everything familiar to watch out for her. She laced her left hand with his gently.

Sydney laid her head on his shoulder as soon as he pulled her closer. She couldn't deny right now she needed this . His arms seemingly melting the vulnerable feelings away. This wasn't what they did, but this felt like the right place to be right here. "Where we come from, wrong decisions are life and death." She reminded him. "It's not like flipping a switch" she added. When he kissed her forehead she let her other hand roam over his opposite shoulder and she quirked a brow up at him. "I could get used to this" she replied quietly.

"I just want us both to be okay with whatever decision we make." They were talking about the life of another person. A little person, their little person. "I just want what's best." She only knew some of what Dallas went through but what if they didn't do things right? What ifs taking over her mind. Sydney was content where she was, not moving from his shoulder. She was calming down some. The tears were beginning to wind down but it didn't mean anything was solved yet and now her head hurt.

"It's a bit chilly" she admitted. Then again wasn't everything when you felt sick. With her headache the room spinning came back. "I think the heater is broken" Well it wasnt broken, but she had to admit she hadn't slept well over the last few days. She was on a sleeping bag on the floor. Dallas had been the only one even bothering to look at furniture for things. She'd been so wrapped up in her own issues.

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Ooc notes here

ISHY of THQ & ADOXOGRAPHY

[Dallas Dumaine]

[attr="class","drewnah"]

[attr="class","drewleft"] [attr="class","drewleft2"]

[attr="class","drewright"] Dallas hadn't been looking for companionship that first night back in Solsbury, but there was no denying they both needed it—more than he would have cared to admit at the time. Sydney had convinced him it would be stress relief only—no strings attached. And, maybe, two federal agents ending up together sounded cliché, but perhaps it was their partnership that drew them closer together. Things may have been more difficult now—they were fish out of water—and how did you even begin to deal with that? "You don't need to apologize to me. I told you: we've both been thrown into this situation. I don't have all the answers." And he didn't expect Sydney to have everything figured out now either, even if that was the answer he wanted to hear. Not every decision they made was fraught with risk. Life-threatening or not, Dallas needed to know this wasn't just a snap decision in response to what he wanted. Getting Paige to admit to that would have been difficult, if not impossible, but he felt comfortable talking about this with Sydney."You're not just saying that? This has to be what you want too." But how could this be wrong? Even if it involved letting down his guard, Dallas had his partner sitting in his lap, their hands laced together, as they discussed their future together. Emotions were bad, showing weakness even more so: something they had sworn never to do. Those old rules were going down the drain. He had to admit, though unfamiliar, it felt really good to lower his defenses around someone. To not pretend. "As long as we're making it together…" Dallas brushed at the tears staining her cheeks, wiping the last of them away. "Then I'm okay with it." They still had to formally make a choice regarding their child, but it was their decision to make. His smirk got just a little bigger as Sydney told him her heater was broken. This conversation was playing out similarly to last time. "Oh? You have the worst luck. Do you need another blanket?" Dallas played the role perfectly, using a question she would undoubtedly find familiar. He'd asked her exactly that after the heater in her bedroom had conked out and she'd marched straight down the hall to spend the night with him. But Sydney, then Paige, had her mind set on another way to warm up. Sydney Dumaine [attr="class","drewright2"]

deltra of gangnam style

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[Sydney Dumaine]

[googlefont="Engagement"]

Dumaine, Sydney Next time you say “booby traps” look me in the eye. Are you ready for a whole new world of flavor up in yo face? Dallas Dumaine

Even though it was the CPD's fault and the media, she felt responsible. It was why she apologized. It was hard flipping a switch. This wasn't something undercover; this was her life, their life even. Her shoulder rested on Dallas' shoulder as she figured out what she wanted to say. It was hard to explain things from there. Delicate fingers came to rest on the side of his neck. The other hand still laced with his. This was calming in it's own way.

"I'm not just saying this. It's just hard to adjust to something you can't even define." Sure in name they were married, they shared a house, and soon a child. "This isn't some undercover assignment. This is the rest of our lives, our child's life. So much all at once. It's overwhelming." None of this was planned. None of this was supposed to happen. She was talking without raising her voice without losing her mind but she wasn't about to yell in his ear. She had more respect for him than that. It was hard to know what to do when she didn't know how felt about things. Why would she toss her heart on the line to have it shattered? What if he wanted to file for divorce, shouldn't he have that option?

He wiped away the tears as Sydney fought to stop them flowing. "Why is this an issue? How many times have we made decisions as partners? Why should this be any different?" She finally reasoned. Though she had at one point thought she had wanted a family, this was not how the whole fairy tale was supposed to go. Sydney felt sick to her stomach but she was managing to keep herself from getting sick all over the place. Pale and sweaty she was still showing signs of not feeling well. She'd hardly moved from Dallas' shoulder. "I thought morning sickness was a myth." It was a fact, not a statement of how she was feeling. Though it implied she wasn't fully herself.

Though his attempt at humour and needing another blanket she laughed a bit. "I can't have this one?" She responded hugging him a bit tighter for a moment to prove a point before she relaxed again. This wasn't how she usually did things but now that she was on his shoulder and not feeling well she wasn't going to move unless he made her. In her head she was safe. That's the only way she could ever get much sleep.

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Ooc notes here

ISHY of THQ & ADOXOGRAPHY

[Dallas Dumaine]

[attr="class","drewnah"]

[attr="class","drewleft"] [attr="class","drewleft2"]

[attr="class","drewright"] If there was one thing Dallas had learned: things rarely went as planned. Even in tactical situations, something he knew far better than the bonds of marriage, you learned to roll with the punches that came your way. Because they did… and often. And now here he was comparing a relationship with his partner to field work as an agent. Perhaps not surprising given the direction of his life had taken. People didn't just change overnight. "Aren't we trained to improvise—to adapt?" Or is this what their lives would boil down to? Two individuals who were so defined by their past work that they struggled to exist outside of it? No. Dallas refused to accept that outcome. He knew what he wanted—and it was right in front of him. They would make this work one way or another. It might be difficult at first, but he'd never been one to shy away from difficult. Dallas gave her a look. He could put together a good tactical plan for a myriad of dangerous situations, but when it came to personal decisions… yeah, had she really just asked that? Emotions ruled. He would go with what felt right at the time. "You are talking to the person that jumps in headfirst. Not a whole lot of decision-making there." Like a little well-timed humor, but since when had he ever been 'a blanket?' There were some things the two of them just didn't do, and that included all the variations of cuddling. Not that he would be averse to trying some of them now. Marriage should be about more than just blowing off steam, Dallas reasoned. At least it seemed that way, from an outsider's perspective looking in. "The door is unlocked, Sydney. Always has been." This was all so new to him—to both of them, really. But figuring out how to approach the unknown got put on the backburner. He could see Sydney wasn't feeling well, and that became the priority. "Tell me what you need." Sydney Dumaine [attr="class","drewright2"]

deltra of gangnam style

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[Sydney Dumaine]

[googlefont="Engagement"]

Dumaine, Sydney Next time you say “booby traps” look me in the eye. Are you ready for a whole new world of flavor up in yo face? Dallas Dumaine

Dallas had a point when he mentioned they were trained to adapt to things. "Improvising and adapting is hardly a solution to deciding what we want in our lives don't you think? I just want whatever we decide to be for the right reasons. Not because we feel the other option is going to piss each other off." When had they ever had qualms about pissing each other off? Never really. Paige would speak her mind and tell Andrew exactly what she thought when he did something stupid, no matter how pissed off he got at her. Even if they didn't talk about their personal lives, they knew quite a bit about each other. Why should Sydney and Dallas be any different?

Sydney was upset, she always had been easily upset by certain things. It was just that she hid it from everyone and held up the strong front so she could do her job, keep people alive, and go home at the end of an assignment. There was no emotion... there were just actions and decisions and calculated decisions that sometimes got tossed to the wind only to be replaced by improvising.

Sydney listened to him say he did everything headfirst. "I just.. if we are going to do this... I just want it to be what we want and not just because the marshalls said so." Deep down she had always cared for Dallas and she'd never dared to say it outloud. That just wasn't them. Biting down on her lip, she kept the emotional attachment buried for now. Then he mentioned the door always being unlocked. "I just thought that..." she didn't finish that statement about going into the spare room to avoid any emotional attachment. It wasn't like they didn't spend time in each other's rooms more than their own back at the Solsbury house anyway.

Sydney had hardly moved from his shoulder. "I don't know. But the stress isn't helping." Her skin was clammy and pale. "My stomach is in knots and I can't make up my mind whether I am cold or hot." Her forehead was burning up but the rest of her was freezing cold, perhaps part of the reason she had climbed in his lap without a second thought. "I don't have an appointment until early next week." She'd already scheduled a doctor's appointment.

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Ooc notes here

ISHY of THQ & ADOXOGRAPHY