A lesson I learned from you

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E rin stood outside of Voight’s house she’d already raised her hand twice to knock but decided against it. She had decided to come smooth things over. Erin hadn’t told Jay she was here. While she knew he would stand behind whatever decision she made, it wasn’t something she wanted to talk about. Now she was sort of wishing she had talked to Jay first. Maybe he could give her an idea of how to even start this conversation. Erin couldn’t even knock on the door. Emotionally, Erin was a wreck. She’d spent the first night crying herself to sleep in Jay’s arms. The second day she’d tried to withdrawal into the alcohol and when Jay put a stop to her drinking before it could start she cried again. Today was the first day she really had her head. Well some of her head anyway. Jay had been right. Erin couldn’t lose Hank. Pulling her hair back she finally made an approach to tap on the door. Though she knew it was loud enough to resonate. Normally Erin would have just used the key and came in, but things between them had her second guessing that approach. Erin could feel the emotions building and she hated herself for it. This wasn’t easy and as she was going to move on her with life she wanted Hank a part of that. She knew though that it was going to take a lot of mending fences. Henry 'Hank' Voight

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[Henry 'Hank' Voight]

Hank had been upset ever since that talk. Yes that talk when he had managed to back himself off into the only corner he knew of, he was simply the Detective Sergeant for Erin Lindsay. Work only and the personal, he wasn’t going to give in to that not after what had been said. He was protective for a reason and didnt anyone understand that at all? He had to be given he had lost Justin because he wasn’t protective enough. Erin had been lost to Bunny twice now and all he wanted was for things to go back to the way they were.

Before he had gone and bluffed his way into his own world of emotional upset. It took him a long time to get over what Jay had said to him, Erin too and he wasn’t over any of it. No he just kept everything in because what was the point anymore. Erin wanted her life and she had it, he wasn’t going to stick his nose in or interfere, no he would only do that the sneakiest way he knew and only if he thought it was bad enough to.

Hank wasn’t one for sitting around and doing nothing at home, he was sat staring at a case file on the dining table, it was a favour for a friend type thing though he looked up when he heard the tap on the door. Well it wasn’t a regular he thought, everyone he trusted had a key and simply just let themselves in, it was the way he liked it. Hank fastened his gun to his belt behind his back as he approached the door before opening it.

He had to take a second look at the person standing there, Erin? What was this round two? To tell him how much he had ruined her life and controlled her and whatever else it was she thought about him now. He struggled with the correct greeting for a moment as he stood there uneasily. A hug was too familiar, a hello too cold as he wondered why she was even there. “Is everything okay?” He asked concerned for a moment before he managed to hold himself back.

“Not that I’m prying or caring.” He added in a slightly hostile tone though really he was trying to care and pry too as he stood back from the door and waved her in. “Want to come in?” He offered still not sure what to do or say but then if it was just a social call to yell at him some more then he guessed he had to hear it. Simply for her sake rather than his.

Tag: @lindsay

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E rin was as just as independent as she had been the day she walked out of her office. There were still days she bite her tongue at work, only go to home to Jay and let it all out. The emotional roller coaster had her drinking again. Though Jay wouldn’t let it get past one drink. Though Erin just wanted to spiral out of control. Letting Hank go in the end wasn’t really an option. Jay was right about that. She was surprised that her stepmother wasn’t at home, it was late. Then again the woman was probably upstairs asleep. The last thing Erin did was want to wake Lou if she was. It was why the tapping on the door had been in such a light manner. Seeing the door open she stood there for a moment. What was she supposed to say? She hadn’t really gotten this far and it all but took her by the throat. At his hostile tone, she took a few steps backwards. ‘It’s okay, he’s probably hurting too’ she tried not to let his hostile tone get to her, but it screamed just how much he was hurting. At least that was how Lindsay was taking it. They were a lot alike in those regards. Stepping forward she didn’t care if he got mad she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tight. “Daddy, I’m sorry” she whispered as she refused to let go. She wasn’t going to say why she was apologizing because there was too much to be sorry for. In a way, Erin regretted saying she didn’t want him around but at the same time he had to let her grow up. Erin was the rebellious kind who would fight tooth and nail for certain things, but that didn’t mean she gave up caring about people. She mostly was ignoring his question of everything being alright, mostly because it wasn’t but she was in the process to try and solve it. Erin didn’t want to let go and she didn’t let go. At the end of the day, he was her family and she wasn’t about to walk away from that. Shivers travelled down her spine from the cold even though she was wrapped up. Erin was used to the Chicago weather but it wasn’t exactly T shirt weather outside. Henry 'Hank' Voight

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[Henry 'Hank' Voight]

Hank usually tried to partner with Al for the sake of keeping himself out of trouble, distance was a good thing or it had been until it hurt much like everything else in life. Hank hadn’t taken to much other than not talking about it, if she wanted to be rid of him then that was fine. If he didn’t talk it was like it never happened, Erin wanted her life and he was giving it to her no interference just what she wanted. Her own space where he wasn’t going to lift a finger to help her because that was what being an adult was.

Ever since that argument and Erin had stormed out Hank hadn’t been able to sleep right. Lou slept but he usually paced, read or tried to occupy himself with something until his brain was that far gone sleep was the only option left. Reading was quiet and being downstairs it was easier than annoying anyone with a light when they were trying to sleep. Those that could should, he thought though really he was one who should sleep he just hadn’t felt like it. Too much going on in his own head for that.

Hostile was a way of life for him at times, this time it was simply to buffer any screaming or yelling about how awful it had been. If it came to it at least he wasn’t being over emotional, touchy or anything best to play defence until he knew what was going on. He was hurt and the easiest way to deal with that was to be angry and hostile toward people. Push people away before they had a second chance at hurting him again and it was the exact thing he had done with Erin, leave it be and not show anything toward her because he was too hurt to.

Hank didnt know what to do when she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him tight, he couldnt believe it was true until he heard her speak. It broke his heart when he heard those words and any resistance to it he could have fought failed. “I’m sorry too sweetheart.” He said as he held her just as tightly, if this was a joke or he was dreaming then it was worth it just to have her there in his arms again without any arguments or yelling.

When Erin didnt let go he kissed the top of her head as he kept his hold on her. “Forgive me?” He asked feeling the cold from outside from here he stood as he motioned for her to come in so he could at least keep them both warm. Chicago cold was like ice, there was nothing quite like it anywhere else.

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I t wasn’t that Erin didn’t want him around, she just couldn’t handle the pushy. The do this, do that, and the control. She was an adult and she needed her freedom. The freedom to make decisions with her own life. Erin was happy, and he couldn’t just let her be happy. He had to control every little aspect of her life, there came a point where he had to trust her. Quite honestly, she’d walked away not even knowing if that was there. Erin hadn’t exactly slept right since storming out either. Crying herself to sleep a few times while Jay just held her. Crying one’s self to sleep never really made for good sleep. Neither did wanting to drink; but Jay was going to let her go back down that road either. Her eyes showed how much she had been sleeping, as in not well at all. Erin knew why he was hostile. He was trying to push her away; but she’d already tried that and look where they were now. Both standing here staring at each other not sure how to handle their relationship. Neither one of them had slept, and she could tell but she wasn’t going to call him out on it. That would start a fight and she wasn’t here to start a fight. Right now that was the last thing she wanted. Wait he was apologizing too? Maybe she was losing her mind or something. She just hugged him tighter and didn’t let go. Scared if she let go that something would happen. There was so many things that could go sideways. She just hoped that it wouldn’t because things were better when they didn’t. She nodded and stepped inside the house with him. Though she was quiet mostly because she didn’t want to wake up Lou upstairs. Henry 'Hank' Voight

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[Henry 'Hank' Voight]

Hank hadn’t known what to do that day, he tried to protect his family the best way he knew how. To find out what was going on and make that choice, he had been a cop too long for the happy fuzzy versions of life that worked out for the better were long gone. All he saw was the worst life had to offer and he didnt want any part of that for Erin or Sharon, they had both been through enough trauma for a life time and he wasn’t about to let anything else happen to them if he could help it.

He knew that he had gone overboard at times but then sometimes what else could he really do? Just leave it to judgement when he had seen what roads that had lead to. The last time she had handed him her badge in the bar and drunk herself into a state among other things. It had been a constant headache since the day in the office guessing what he had done wrong, the things he might have done different and he came to the same version of events. All he wanted was for his children to be safe, he had failed with Justin and he wasn’t going to fail again.

Hank could see that Erin hadn’t been sleeping well, he knew his usual hostile self needed to go but then what could he do? He was hostile as a personality trait. Hank kept his hold on her not wanting to let go of her, he knew he was hurt but by the looks of it so was she. When Erin came into the house Hank shut the door quietly and tried to think of something profound to say to her. “Lou’s upstairs.” He said as if it made sense to say though he just shook his head for a moment. “Do you want a drink? Tea, coffee, something stronger?” He offered not sure if he needed to offer because it was as much her house as his. Hank had no idea where to start without the possibility of an argument over what had been said.

Tag: @lindsay

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H ank wasn't the only one who didn't know what to say. That's why Erin hadn't said anything, she'd just hugged him. But where was she supposed to start? Certainly not with 'hey dad I eloped with Jay while I was mad at you' even though technically... No, her and Jay had talked about it. They were going to have a proper wedding too. At the same time she still had to bring up not wanting to be given away as Erin Lindsay. That had been a fun discussion too. Erin just shook her head sitting down at the kitchen table. Really the something stronger sounded tempting with her last few days on her mind. Right. Time to bite the bullet Erin. She went to the cabinet and took out the mug she usually used. Filling it with hot water she stared at the window a bit. She decided to get tea. She always bought some and kept it at his house. Erin put the hot water in the microwave because she was being lazy. "Jay and I are getting married" she had a bit of a happy undertone to her vocals. Six words that could likely start a fight but she was trying to stay calm. The last thing she wanted was another fight with him over this. Though technically speaking she already was married to Jay. Just Jay also wanted to give Erin a real wedding. She wore only an engagement ring on her left hand. It had been the ring she'd been given when they eloped. There was no other band to indicate anything else. "And I don't want to be given away as Erin Lindsay" she admitted. It was the truth. No where on one of the happiest days of her life did she want the name Lindsay to remind her of her past. Just before the microwave beeped she caught it from possibly going off and waking up Hank's wife. If the woman was asleep, she was going to let her sleep. Taking her cup out she grabbed her teabag and then sat down at the table steeping it in the cup waiting for a response. Erin was trying not to be nervous about this; Jay had already gone off on Hank less than 48 hours ago. Henry 'Hank' Voight

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[Henry 'Hank' Voight]

Hank sat himself down at the table, coffee made him agitated and it was the last thing he needed to be. Tea he hadn’t really taken to though he watched Erin for a moment as she put her hot water into the microwave. Had that been all she did or said he might have been happy enough but then those six words were spoken and he had to force himself not to yell a ‘what’ that he was sure would wake Lou. He could hear the happy undertone to her words though he was still trying to find a tone for it for himself.

Too lax and he risked annoying her, too happy and she’d know it was as fake as it was and too angry well that was what had landed them in this position in the first place. “That’s... that’s nice news.” He said nodding as he tried to smile before he got up from the table and reached into the cupboard for glass and a bottle. Tea and coffee wasn’t going to cut it he thought as he poured himself a rather large glass. His measures had always been the three finger kind from the beginning.

Hank looked toward her hand to check and see just how far along this marriage thing really was. He saw the engagement ring and what it had been less than forty eight hours ago that he had yelled at Jay about it now they go and do this. Hank kept his eyes on the table as he glanced at the glass he held before taking a drink. He furrowed his brow at the mention of not wanting to be given away as Erin Lindsay, maybe the alchol was stronger than he thought and he’d missed something.

“I don’t... what are you talking about?” He asked puzzled from lack of sleep and trying to over think everything too much. She was getting married after everything that had been said and now she didnt want to be Erin Lindsay, what did she want to be Madonna? Chaka Khan? This was getting complicated way too quickly as he shook his head. “Are you honestly happy?” He asked her deciding that fighting, well there had been enough of that so maybe the conversation was the right way to go. He knew that Erin was well aware of what he would do to protect her and Jay knew that just as well too. All it came down to was Erin being happy and then he was happy.

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A t least he wasn't yelling, but she could tell he was against this in the first place. That's why they'd not even come for his permission. Why they had eloped. He'd stood behind her and supported her through the last 17 years. Then she had found her someone , her someone that loved her unconditionally. Looked out for her and someone she would do the same for. Hank had to understand what that feeling was like. There had been Camille and then now there was Lou. His words bit. She should have known better than to come right? Erin went completely silent playing with her tea bag. Maybe she should have kept her mouth shut, but then he would have just seen the engagement ring and asked questions as to why she was hiding things? This is exactly why she was hiding the fact she was actually married right now. This was why they fought. Because she wanted his approval. She tried so hard to do things right. It was never the right thing. It was always the wrong thing and she only ended up hurting herself. Erin just brushed him off. "Just forget it" the point was made and he didn't even try to understand. She didn't want to look back years later and have her wedding invitation remind her of bunny. "I can't explain. I just.. I'm getting married and I'm your daughter not Bunny's." She was happy but right now the one person she wanted to be happy WITH her was everything but that. When he asked about her being happy 'I was' she thought to herself and she had been. "Dad I have someone who stands beside me, looks out for me, cares for me, protects me, makes me laugh, holds me when I cry, and loves me for me. He doesn't judge me, we work through things dad. It means a lot to me and I'm not going to let him walk away." She took a moment. "Yes I am happy." It was hard to stop smiling at everything Jay was too her. Right now though Jay was the only one who seemed to support her. Deep down it hurt that Hank wasn't behind her. But she couldn't admit that to him. She sipped on her tea, trying to figure out what else to say. There was so much to say and yet.... right now all she wanted to do was go close herself in her bedroom like she had when she was a teenager. Yeah, she wasn't that teenager anymore. Erin was an adult, she was a successful detective, she was a wife but still a daughter. Hand played with the handle on her mug. She was resisting the urge to hide behind the alcohol too. No, because that would make the pain visible in her demeanor. Henry 'Hank' Voight

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[Henry 'Hank' Voight]

Hank didnt know what he was, he was happy that she was happy but he was also thinking of the ten reasons it could all blow up before breakfast. If it was his years on the job that had him see the worst before the good but Jay had to understand that Erin was still his little girl. She was a great detective but he still remembered her playing outside with Justin, taking them places watching Camille get to know her as the person he knew she could be. Jay had walked into that and in his eyes wondering into something that he thought was too good.

Hearing her words he looked up from his glass, he was trying to be nice and all she could say was forget it? She came to his door he almost wanted to make sure she knew that until he heard her again. “You are my daughter and nothing will ever change that.” He said firmly, not Bunny and not Jay. No one could ever change that though really if she was going to be unhappy about it then why was she there? Wasnt it enough that he hardly slept and found work less and less appealing every day knowing he had to be completely impartial.

Those words he knew what they meant, ‘cares for me, protects me, laugh, cry, her for her’ he thought as he shook his head. Those were the things he could do for her, the things he used to be enough for when he was around. It wasn’t his bug bear that she loved someone, not even if that someone was Jay maybe his nose was just put out of place because she didnt need him anymore. He watched her when she spoke about everything Jay was, it was clear to see her smile which counted for more than she knew as he took a drink.

Hank got up from the table and considered simply walking away, if she was so happy then he would just leave them to it all. He had taken three paces before he changed his mind on it all, he walked back over to her as he took a breath. “If he makes you happy then I am happy for you.” He said smiling a little, he couldn’t deny the look on her face when she spoke about him. “Congratulations.” He said trying to be as optimistic as he could having not exactly expected the news but then she was happy so what more could he have asked for.

“Can I give my little girl a hug?” He asked holding out his arms, he wanted to make sure they were on the same page. It wasn’t as if things were smoothed over between them and there was still a lot to say he just wanted to be sure she knew he was happy for her. He had to be and if it fell apart then he would still be there no matter what and just make sure Jay never saw daylight again.

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E rin wished that Hank could see that he wasn't losing his little girl. In the end, she was Voight's girl no matter what anyone said. Jay wasn't going to put a divide between Hank and Erin, she wouldn't let him. Though she knew that wasn't Jay's mentality. But Erin knew she didn't want to be alone for the rest of her life. What if something happened to Hank? Would he really want her to go through that pain alone like he had with Camille? Hank and Camille would always be her parents when it came down to it. Getting a husband couldn't change that. Hearing his voice she had his confirmation that he was scared to lose her. Setting her tea on the table she came over to him and wrapped her arms around him again. "That's a promise" she stated taking a few steps with her hands on his shoulders as she looked him in the eyes. Jay wouldn't even let her walk away from Voight. He'd turned her around. Family was frustrating at times but she knew that at the end of the day, family was family. They were the ones there for you. Erin could see he hadn't slept, it was written on his face. The guilt set in but she swallowed it down. To say that Erin didn't need Hank in her life was... misguided. This was the person she owed her life to, he was the rock that she could count on. Even if they had their differences like any family. "You aren't going to lose me" she whispered. Was he really that scared? Explaining that her getting married just meant he was gaining a son was not the best approach right now. Even she knew that. They had to fix bridges one at a time. Erin couldn't blame Hank for doubting her decision in Jay, after all the times she'd made bad decisions in the past when it came to men and her career. But somewhere Jay had his approval of sorts, it wasn't like he a stray off the streets. Hank knew Jay and he obviously trusted him with Erin if he kept them partnered together. She was still trying to figure out how to put them on all on neutral ground. Right now it was like a rocky footing she was drowning in. Part of her wondering if being miserable in life was worth it to appease Voight. No, she'd been over that with Jay. That wasn't Voight, Erin being miserable wouldn't appease him. Though she wished sometimes he wasn't so blind to the fact that Jay walked on the same side. Erin wanted to apologize again. But did she really have to apologize for being happy and wanting both men in her life? Henry 'Hank' Voight

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[Henry 'Hank' Voight]

Hank couldnt deny that going through life with a partner of whatever kind made it a lot easier. When Camille had gone he hadn’t thought it possible to look at anyone else that way until Lou and now they were married he couldnt imagine a life without her. He knew he didnt want that for Erin, for her to be alone though in his eyes she was still the child he had brought home to look after that day. He couldnt help seeing her like that even though she was one of the best women he knew.

He tried to smile when she spoke but then it was like all was forgiven the minute she wrapped her arms around him. How could he be remotely mad or worried about her when she was doing that? Family had a way of getting to you and he wasn’t immune from that despite the face he put on it. If it wasn’t his immediate family then it was the CPD family and both of those were there no matter what happened. He knew that he hadn’t slept but then it was his own stupid fault for trying to do the wrong thing, first he had managed to screw Justin up and then almost lost Erin and Sharon, well he couldnt even begin to explain everything he had done wrong there.

Hank hugged her tighter when she said he wasn’t going to lose her. He thought he had lost her the minute she handed him back her badge at the bar, then in his office when she had stormed out after all those things that were said. He couldnt even understand why she would want him within a million miles of her. He had screwed up a lot with her and now with Jay too because things weren’t exactly on good terms. “I’m glad.” He stated as he took a breath, “I’m sorry.”

Two words he never said often, after all for the guy that was usually right it wasn’t exactly a familiar thing to say. Hank trusted Jay for a lot of reasons but then it was different when he had to trust his daughter to the guy. That took a lot more than simply watching his back at work. Still it wasn’t Jay at his door it was Erin and it was a step by step process to get things back to how they were. If that could happen at that point. “I really mean it, if you’re happy with Jay then I’m happy for you.” He said a little more honestly this time around. Hank hadn’t been great with the whole feelings thing for a while but he guessed in this case it was better than seeing Erin leave again angry with him for things.

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E rin was playing with the rim on her cup as she tried to sort things in the silence. Hank was a part of her life, by choice. She didn't have to show up, she didn't have to associate with him more than as a boss. She could go home at the end of the day and have that be that. However, their relationship was deeper than that, which caused so many things to hurt. Her thumb ran down the handle of the cup as she tried to find words. The reality was her job was dangerous. Hank and Jay well they did the same thing. Was there really time to be fighting over who was happy and who wasn't? At the end of the day family is what they all were. Jay was practically Hank's family anyway. Why should making it official change anything between the three? Voight was the closest thing to a dad, she was ever going to have in her life. Everyone knew that. Wait was Hank Voight apologizing? What was this blasphemy? Erin just nodded not wanting to make him feel any worse. It was a nod of acknowledgement. Sometimes no matter how old you were, there was still stuff that only a dad could fix, or understand. Though Erin cracked and a few tears fell at his apology. She was the one who had stormed out. Though she had apologized already she was the one feeling like she was in the wrong. Erin was quiet for a moment as Hank was being a bit more genuine. Getting him to come around to this wasn't going to be easy. Erin could just tell. Jay could never replace Hank and everyone but Hank seemed to realize it. Was it really so bad that she had found someone who would have her back twenty four seven, like Voight had asked Jay once. Erin didn't know about that conversation and if she had, then maybe she wouldn't have been so quick to jump on Hank. But that was a moot point now. Erin didn't know what else to say. "I am, and you've always made sure of that" her voice was genuine. Henry 'Hank' Voight

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[Henry 'Hank' Voight]

Hank wasn’t ready to lose anyone else from his life, he had lost a son got him back only for him to be taken again. Erin he had found, taken in and after everything he wasn’t ready to say goodbye to her. There was Sharon as well and he had managed to not even know she existed until recently. When it came to kids he was either the world’s worst father or the one who was most clueless. He knew he held onto them tightly and tried to keep everyone on the right path but then he realised that his path wasn’t everyone else’s.

Jay, that guy he considered family and yet now making it official meant that he had to admit it. What if something did happen between the two then he was losing a son or a daughter and that didnt sit right with him at all. If it made Erin happy then he would back her like always though the thought of losing her wasn’t a good one at all. He had to have some use in life and if meddling in the kids’ lives was that purpose he was more than happy with that one.

He had already tried to scare off Thomas and that hadn’t worked so with Jay he didnt want to scare the guy off he just wanted thing to go back to when he wasn’t aware of anything. Hank didnt usually apologise and this was just one of those times when he knew he had done the wrong thing and now Erin was crying. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m sorry for what happened and hurting you, I just dont handle these things as well as I should.” He explained, so yes he handled them like a bull in a china shop but still he tried.

“I’ve tried to, it hasn’t always worked but if he’s your guy then I cant argue with that.” He said taking a breath; no he wasn’t going to argue it either as that would just cause a whole world of trouble. “I guess you could have done worse, he could have been a fed.” He joked though he was happy Sharon didnt know that because he was sure she would have something to say about that too.

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E rin lightly shook Hank by the shoulders. It was a playful gesture as she smiled, trying to get him to smile too. She couldn't stay mad at him. By definition of the word dad, he was everything that the word defined. Erin would never give that up, but she was most definitely not that fourteen year old who was out at all ends of the night getting into trouble. No Hank had put an end to that quickly. Erin smiled towards him through her tears. "It's not that" she wiped her tears with her one hand as she looked towards him. "I said things I shouldn't have too and I never meant to hurt you" she spoke. "You're right I was being stupid and childish. I could have reacted differently." There was no way to react BETTER to some of the thing that had been said, but she didn't have to react like she was two. "You do look out for me.You always have. Even when I don't want it or when you don't think you did" because that is what family did right? Their family had grown a lot recently. Erin was still doing her own adjusting. Lou was alright in Erin's book. There was nothing to worry about unless the woman ever hurt Hank, then hell hath no fury like a daughter scorned. Sharon was... Erin didn't really know. They didn't get along most of the time. If they weren't verbally fighting there was some sort of text war going on (unless someone was in the hospital then there was temporary truce). "I'm allowed two of those you know. Jay told me so. I told him the second spot was already taken." She poked Hank lightly in the side. "After the JTF? Do you really think I would bring home a fed? That was enough to know that nothing good comes from the feds." She reminded him. Okay so Sharon would probably kill her for that statement but her sister wasn't here to hear that. Henry 'Hank' Voight

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