Save A Place (Open)

[Benjamin Taylor]

|| TAG: ,|| WORDS: 0 ||
|| NOTES: ... ||

Sipping a coffee, Ben sat on one of the many benches in the cemetery. It was a strange place really, too quiet for his liking yet peaceful in an odd sense. Ben was visiting an old friend, fifty one was his new house or current house but previous to that he had a whole other firehouse family. Not all of them made it and in such Ben was on a visit that day. Placing the Styrofoam cup against his lips, Ben read the detail on the stone for the hundredth time.

Ben had worked with the guy since he started in the fire department; he was one of those guys who made life better just by knowing them. The person you knew could raise a smile on a dark day and that guy who would be sitting in jail with you going, great job and laughing rather than crying about an issue. It was a day to download, to explain everything that had happened since his last visit and that happened to be a lot more than he expected.

The coffee in his hand made the one sided conversation easier but it barely did anything to take out the sting. He was updating a piece of stone and not the friend he knew he had for all those years. Twelve to be exact. Twelve years of fire, tears, family and arguments. If anything the guy had been a brother but now, now Ben was talking to a rock in place of a brother that knew exactly what to do. It was why he had retreated to the bench, to try and find a perspective on a place that had bad memories and good ones, a place where things were too quiet but one that held a mix feeling in his heart.

Red☠Frost

[Stephanie Taylor]

[attr="class","Stephner"]

[attr="class","Stephner1"]

[attr="class","Stephback"]

[attr="class","Stephnert"]Stephanie knew where Ben went each day and if she did come with him she waited in the car or just let him have his space. But today, she could sense something was really wrong and so she’d let him have a few minutes before trekking around to find him. She saw him sitting on the park bench and came up beside him sitting right next to him. It was just her. Achilles was still waiting for them in the car. The weather was nice enough he’d be comfortable.

It wasn’t anything Stephanie knew what to say. But she was worried, she’d tried dragging him to Brittany’s and that had been a somewhat flop. Stephanie just rested her head on Ben’s shoulder and didn’t say a word. Sometimes, she didn’t have to say anything. Though she didn’t just snuggle up in public. That was hardly her thing; but she could tell that Ben might need the comfort that she wasn’t going to be able to put into words.

The small of coffee turned her nose but it was a small price to pay. She knew what loss was like on an astronomical scale. That didn’t mean words could fix everything, in fact they were just words they couldn’t really fix anything. Stephanie wanted to talk to Ben about a few things but they could wait. Well, they could wait to a point. Stephanie had both good news and terrifying news. Well from where he sat. She wasn’t sure how to express it yet, so she hadn’t said anything. Right now, their expressions of emotions and feelings and happenings were at a slow crawl but Stephanie was just waiting it out, patiently with internal and heavy turmoil inside of her. Keeping Ben in better spirits was far more important.

∵ Benjamin Taylor ∵

I figured since we were talking about needing a new thread anyway that I would just jump in if that is okay.

[attr="class","Stephner2"]

[attr="class","Stephnerlyric"]Flame that came from me
Fire Meet Gasoline, I’m burning alive

[attr="class","cred"]MADE BY VEL OF WW + ADOX 2.0

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[Benjamin Taylor]

|| TAG: Stephanie Taylor,|| WORDS: 0 ||
|| NOTES: Feel free to jump in any time, its fine with me.||

Ben just sat there, he was unsure what he had done wrong recently but he was sure there was a list any every turn there seemed to be something else added onto the list of wrong doings. He knew things had been difficult but he had no idea how to go back, how to go back to what he wanted. Ben glanced around half expecting Achilles to be with Stephanie though it seemed like she was alone for the time being. His wife was sat on a bench with him and finding the right words to say to her turned out to be the most difficult thing.

Even Brittany’s office had gone wrong in so many ways, he never wanted to go back there again as talking about feelings and thoughts. Not for him at all, no he never did that and yes for some it worked but for him it felt like an invasion of privacy. Something he should be able to sort out on his own but there was nothing there, no feeling he could entirely place. Even the feeling of his wife’s head on his shoulder, usually knew would know what to say but this time was there anything he could really say?

Ben reached for the coffee as he took a drink from it, know Stephanie hated it though that was never the reason for getting it. He enjoyed coffee and it was another reason why they should never have worked, tea or coffee big debate but they worked together. Losing someone, it was tough, he lost a family, a wife, a friend and now his mother that really he was okay about losing and that scared him half to death. To be okay beyond that first day, to be fine with the outcome and feel like a monster inside for even thinking it.

No before he made things worse he needed to attempt to be more like himself. Ben reached an arm around Stephanie holding her tightly for a moment as he wondered what she thought lately. “There’s a new vegetarian place opened up on 3rd and Maple.” Ben stated having driven past it a few times on general chores. “So I thought that maybe we could go and see what it’s like one day this week?” He offered trying to extend an olive branch the best way he knew how. “If you want or if not... its okay I just thought it might be good for a change but If you’ve other plans or don’t want to...” He rambled going off on a tangent as he could barely blame Stephanie if she never wanted to be around him at all.

Red☠Frost

[Stephanie Taylor]

[attr="class","Stephner"]

[attr="class","Stephner1"]

[attr="class","Stephback"]

[attr="class","Stephnert"]Stephanie didn't know how to get Ben to talk, it was usually the other way around. He was trying to get her to talk but that went over like a lead balloon at times. It was the way of their relationship. Stephanie sat up kissing him on the side of the face. Stephanie knew what it was like to lose people. She knew what it was like to lose family even. She'd lost a brother, a mother, in some regards a father. She'd lost comrades who had been like family. Sure she had the Harris family who had loved her and raised her for their own at a time when she needed someone the most and she'd still always see them as mom and dad.

Conversation felt like they were friends tentatively trying to see if they really were going to try giving dating a go. Stephanie knew it had to be tough for Ben trying to put the reality together. “Yeah, It's supposed to be really good. I think even you might enjoy it.” If not, they could always get take out from two different places and take their meals to the park. That wasn't above what they called a dinner date sometimes. Why would she have other plans? Stephanie quirked a brow.

She wasn't sure if Ben was just projecting onto her, trying to keep his distance from their marriage or something. “The only thing I have this week is a doctor appointment. I already turned in my leave of absence into Boden.” She pulled his hand to her stomach. He'd get the picture without her having to come out and say things. Though she wasn't too sure the news would go over well. Though the last thing she wanted to do was fight and argue about it. All she could do was show him that she was taking care of herself.

The timing of everything just didn't mesh well. This was the first time Stephanie wasn't scared to death or angry about things at all. Their life wasn't perfect but it was theirs and that was all that mattered to Stephanie in the end. Stephanie kissed lightly on Ben's neck, something she didn't often do in public places much. Affection outside of the house wasn't really her thing but sometimes she could tell when he needed a little extra attention.

∵ Benjamin Taylor ∵

[attr="class","Stephner2"]

[attr="class","Stephnerlyric"]Flame that came from me
Fire Meet Gasoline, I’m burning alive

[attr="class","cred"]MADE BY VEL OF WW + ADOX 2.0

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[Benjamin Taylor]

|| TAG: Stephanie Taylor,|| WORDS: 0 ||
|| NOTES: ... ||

Nothing seemed the same to him lately, nothing apart from that kiss which meant things were still a little okay. Ben’s family was complicated; yes everyone had complicated families but his seemed to fall apart before his eyes. His father was a criminal of sorts, criminal loosely perhaps but still not exactly legal. His brother had done nothing wrong in life and he had ended up gone in a fire where Ben had no clue how to save anyone. His mother was evil. There were no two ways around it, the truth was evil and so was the woman.

His previous wife, she had done nothing other than love him and they had a daughter together and technically, in Ben’s eyes that was partially his fault too. If there was no child, there was no death, at least for that instance. Something he did have control over to a point but lately it felt like there was nothing he could do to stop people falling apart. Even his conversation was worthy of Stephanie slapping him for it but then hearing about the new place they were talking about he nodded and smiled. “You never know, veg could take a whole new turn for me.” He tried to tease lightly, Ben had never been a vegetarian, veg in his eyes was a side dish but then he was up for trying things.

Listening it took Ben a moment, he was used to the doctor’s appointments, it came with the job and Brittany Severide too but then usually Stephanie never referred to her as a doctor. A doctor that required a leave of absence? It threw him for a moment until he felt Stephanie pull his hand to her stomach. For a while all Ben could do was smile at her as she kissed him, the goofy grin on his face as if they had just won the lottery which they had in his eyes. Kids were great; yes he wanted kids with Stephanie and however many she wanted he could cope with.

The happiness showed in his eyes and face, everything else seemed to disappear for a moment as he stared at Stephanie, unable to hide his excitement. “How long have you known?” He asked not entirely sure that was a today thing but then again, given how out of life with the family he had been. Aliens could have landed and weeks later he would be hearing about it to catch up with the world. “How far along?” He blurted more than asked trying not to sound like an idiot, “And can I go to the appointment with you?” It was more of a pleading, please say yes sort of question but then he wanted to be there for Stephanie.

His mind was working overtime when he realised where they were, a cemetery. He was sat in a cemetery hearing his wife talk about a baby. A cemetery just like this one was the place he had left his first wife, being left with the baby as he tried to hide the panic and fear that seemed to want to ruin the occasion. Had he just killed his second wife without either of them knowing it? No Stephanie hardly needed to see that question in his eyes, instead Ben leaned toward her kissing her as he wrapped her up in a hug.

“So tell me what you need?” Ben asked her just about managing to keep the happy tone to his voice. “Are you watching out for yourself? I will make sure you do, anything you need just tell me.” Ben added knowing that in his own mind, work or not Stephanie was about to become the world’s best protected woman from everything he could think of. Last time, had he been too relaxed about it because this time no he would do whatever he could to make sure life went a different way.

Red☠Frost

[Stephanie Taylor]

[attr="class","Stephner"]

[attr="class","Stephner1"]

[attr="class","Stephback"]

[attr="class","Stephnert"]Complicated didn't even begin to describe Stephanie's childhood. Ben knew the story, there was no use in trying to explain to him that she understood. She was alive because her brother had saved her life. She'd been the one to escape the entire thing with little more than bruises in the stampede. Losing family, Stephanie understood that far too well for her liking, but playing tit for tat with Ben usually blew up in her face. There was no reason for them to play pity party.

Stephanie just rolled her eyes from side to side but then let out a small chuckle. “Yeah, you like your meat too much from that.” One of the biggest reasons Stephanie didn't eat meat (especially beef) is it reminded her too much of farm life. Stephanie could talk about it but having it stare at her from the plate was like her childhood screaming back at her in one fell swoop.

One thing she'd been afraid of was mentioning things to Ben. He'd been so disconnected lately. Even enough she had felt that taking him to Brittany's was a last ditch decision to keep him out of the looney bin. Somewhere lost in their sea of kisses was the ocean of questions. How did she tell him she'd had a suspicion for a few weeks? All the queasy and the tired. Though she went with the technical answer. The exact moment she'd seen that stupid plus sign on the test. “A few days.” Yeah... she'd been sitting on that unsure how to break the news without him spiraling out of control.

Onto the next question. “I don't know. The doctor will know.” She really didn't a clue. Sure she had a guess, but that was what doctor's appointments were for in the first place. “Yes you can come.” Yeah like leaving him behind was really a choice. Pft, Stephanie knew better.

Stephanie was good at reading body language. The hug, she could feel the protective nature that came with the affection. Ben panicked and grew protective. She'd been learning that lesson fast. Right... Grace's mother. Yeah, she wished there was something that she could say that would make things normal; but their lives were far from normal to begin with.

“Yes, I am watching out for myself. Ben, I have everything I need.” She'd been through this before, and this time she was more confident, not a scared teenage kid wondering how she was going to support a child. “But I need you to look out for you too.” She didn't add the last part about not wanting to raise another child alone. No, there were certain things that didn't need to be said.

∵ Benjamin Taylor, ∵

[attr="class","Stephner2"]

[attr="class","Stephnerlyric"]Flame that came from me
Fire Meet Gasoline, I’m burning alive

[attr="class","cred"]MADE BY VEL OF WW + ADOX 2.0

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[Benjamin Taylor]

|| TAG: Stephanie Taylor,|| WORDS: 0 ||
|| NOTES: ... ||

Ben smiled, okay so not quite a full blown grin but a decent attempt at a smile as he heard Stephanie chuckle. “You know I would give it up for you, maybe just sneak a bacon roll now and again or a steak here and there.” He joked knowing that Stephanie never ate meat; it made things interesting at meal times as Ben had never really done the no meat thing. Of course there were some meats he never touched for animal cruelty but that was a whole other story.

Kissing Stephanie was easy and wonderful and each kiss was always better than the last, still all he had were questions about the when and the why and he knew the how it just. No there was no use in getting into things too much as he heard her say a few days. Women always knew about this stuff and he was, well he was unaware about it or more disconnected to life than normal which never helped any man to become aware of anything. Ben winced a little hearing Stephanie say the doctor would know, it was a stupid question of his though one he had no clue about asking.

“Thanks, I want to be there for it all.” Ben said, it was mainly to do with the fact that he wanted to be there. He wanted a child with Stephanie, he would have a hundred if she wanted to but he had seen what happened when things went wrong. He had lost the love of his life in the same minute he gained a second love of his life and thinking that it could happen to Stephanie. He could hardly protect her from work let alone a child too. The lack of knowing the outcome worried him, he had seen it before, done the late night food runs, rubbed backs and feet and tried to be supportive but then it stopped.

This time it would be different he told himself. Even hearing Stephanie say she was watching out for herself made a difference as he smiled, this time a lot easier than at first. Sure his hug was still protective and if anything he knew that would be the same no matter what. “I’ll look out for you too you know and I am watching me, I don’t matter right now it’s you that does.” Ben said smiling as he stared at Stephanie for a moment. “There is a Stephanie and Ben hybrid on its way. Pretty sure boy or girl, it will be the cutest baby ever.” He said smirking as he leaned over to kiss Stephanie again.

“We’re having a baby. What do you think, boy or girl?” Ben stated smiling, he could feel the cautious excitement or rather the burst of joy tinged with worry and fear but Stephanie had done it before. He had done the dad thing before; it would work out he thought. “I’m sorry I’ve not been me lately.” He said softly, “I promise you I’ll do better for the family okay. I don’t want you to worry, just be relaxed and happy and whatever you need, whenever you need it. It’s yours.” Ben stated figuring it was the least he could do for being that out of it for the past however long.

Red☠Frost

[Stephanie Taylor]

[attr="class","Stephner"]

[attr="class","Stephner1"]

[attr="class","Stephback"]

[attr="class","Stephnert"]Stephanie had turned from meat eater to vegetarian the first time a hamburger so much as had reminded her of the whole cattle incident. She rolled her eyes when he mentioned only sneaking a bacon roll. She'd pretend she didn't hear the comment about steaks. Cattle and Steph just didn't mix at all. She reached to put her arm around him but found herself content to just be in his arms.

Then she just listened to Ben talk. Hearing him say he didn't matter. "Benjamin, you do too most certainly matter. I wont hear anymore of it." She reached for his hand. If he didn't matter to her, to Grace, maybe in part to Zach, to someone then Stephanie wouldn't be here of all places trying to talk to him. She was going to answer the whole boy or girl question but got distracted by his apology.

Playing with his hair she didn't honestly know how to respond to the apology. He didn't need to apologize for grieving and for coming to terms with what happened. But they didn't need to argue anymore and Stephanie didn't really have the strength to start a needless argument. Their child made her tired, that was nothing new.

Tugging gently on his arm she pulled him in the direction of her truck, placing the keys in his hand. Stephanie wasn't usually one to let Ben take charge willingly, it was ordinarily like pulling teeth. But she figured maybe the more control a situation he felt he had, the more he'd come back around to him. Steph reached up rubbing her eye.

∵ Benjamin Taylor ∵

[attr="class","Stephner2"]

[attr="class","Stephnerlyric"]Flame that came from me
Fire Meet Gasoline, I’m burning alive

[attr="class","cred"]MADE BY VEL OF WW + ADOX 2.0

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[Benjamin Taylor]

|| TAG: Stephanie Taylor,|| WORDS: 0 ||
|| NOTES: ... ||

Ben had little strength left to argue with Stephanie, in the grand scheme of the family Ben would put each and every one of them before himself. Though when he felt Stephanie take his hand, he knew he would do anything for Stephanie, Zach and Grace. Yes he had met Stephanie and Zach was already a teenager but that made him no less family than Grace was to him. In his eyes he had a daughter and a son. “I know but I meant that, whatever you need, you, Zach, Grace, whatever it is. You guys matter more okay.” Ben said trying to explain himself but he knew he had never really been great at that.

He felt himself smile when Stephanie played with his hair as he wondered what she thought about the baby. Yes he was happy about it, ecstatic about it and utterly terrified that this was a repeat of what happened with his first wife. Ben felt her tug on his arm as he smiled and saw the keys. “Okay now you’re worrying me, you sure you trust me to drive your truck?” Ben asked, his smile a lot easier on his face as he knew there was an issue though tired seemed to be it.

Ben watched Steph rub her eye as he placed his arm around her lightly. “Okay, hop up.” He said as he made a move to lift her up, holding the truck keys in one hand. It was easy enough done he thought and the last thing he wanted was Stephanie to be any more tired than she had to be. “And you know if you don’t I can always throw you over my shoulder too?” He teased giving her the option, either princess style in his arms or thrown over his shoulder. Either worked well enough.

“And what do you think Steph?” Ben asked, “What do you think about the baby?” It was only fair that he asked her, he knew the history of her first pregnancy and yes things were different with this one but Ben wanted to be sure that she was alright with it. “Have you told anyone yet?” Ben asked not sure how the kids would take the news or if they knew already.

Red☠Frost

[Stephanie Taylor]

[attr="class","Stephner"]

[attr="class","Stephner1"]

[attr="class","Stephback"]

[attr="class","Stephnert"]Stephanie just gave him a look. No one mattered more than the next person in the family and Ben was just going to have to adjust to that premise. She wasn’t going to let him think otherwise, she had to step forward and fill in the void he’d created by not looking after himself. “And if you don’t look after you, where does that leave us?” She wasn’t agreeing with him. Simply trying to get him to see the reality of the situation.

“I’m sure. I’m just feeling exhausted and driving is not a smart idea right now.” She climbed up in the truck letting him help her up. Ordinarily, she may have fussed but she was too tired to put up much of a fuss with things right now. Stephanie curled up in Ben’s lap once he climbed up in the truck.

Then he asked about the baby. “Zach knows because he took me to the hospital when I wouldn’t stop throwing up.” Zach could drive with a licensed adult in the car. He’d be 16 in a few weeks and that meant her teenager would be driving on his own shortly. A discussion perhaps for another time. “And Boden knows because I turned in my paperwork for being on leave.”

∵ Benjamin Taylor ∵

[attr="class","Stephner2"]

[attr="class","Stephnerlyric"]Flame that came from me
Fire Meet Gasoline, I’m burning alive

[attr="class","cred"]MADE BY VEL OF WW + ADOX 2.0

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[Benjamin Taylor]

|| TAG: Stephanie Taylor,|| WORDS: 0 ||
|| NOTES: ... ||

Ben opened his mouth to try and argue his thinking though the moment he tried to, he knew Stephanie was right. The disagreement he could see as he decided to nod instead. How had he managed to be so foolish? He knew he had barely been the same person since the ‘incident’ and now he knew that his way of hiding it had worked as well as a sprinkler system that would never work in a fire. “That leaves you all with me looking after you. I won’t let any of you down, not now and not ever again.” Ben said knowing that he had to do a lot better than this.

He even considered going to see Brittany, maybe off book, after hours, without anyone knowing about it. The lack of fussing coming from Stephanie told him how tired she was, he felt it his fault given he knew Stephanie had picked up everything he had dropped. He had been there but absent for a lot of things which was only made clear when he heard Zach had driven Stephanie to the hospital. A task that Ben felt should have been him instead as he gulped.

The throwing up, it was okay he knew what that was. Pregnancy. Stephanie said so and now he knew but the driving. We’re the kids even that old now? Since when did that even come around as he stared at Stephanie in his lap for a moment? “Boden knows?” Ben asked in more a surprised question, he nodded glad that Stephanie was now on leave as he barely had the heard to turn the key in the ignition.

“Zach is driving... this cannot be happening.” Ben said, he reached down and rubbing his hand over Stephanie’s shoulder and arm softly. “The kids aren’t driving. They won’t drive until they’re at least thirty. No cars, no metal, no wheels of any kind. Cars aren’t safe and I’m not having them getting behind a half tonne of metal and glass. Please tell me you’re with me on this?” Ben asked trying to hide the almost pleading tone from his voice. They were having a baby of their own and their own babies were old enough to drive, hell no.

The world was grounded, Ben felt like the world had just shifted on its axis as he leaned back in the seat trying to figure out when he had stopped being himself. When he had stopped noticing what was happening around him. He felt guilty and awful all at the same time, Ben had never stepped out of things before and now it felt like he had just been thrown into a world where kids had the right to drive a car. Which was true but not their kids, their kids were just kids... teenagers who knew nothing about the road and if he had his way in life. Never would until they were thirty, maybe even fifty if he could manage it.

Did he need to drag them down to the crash sites? Have them see what damage a car could do? Were they really hitting this point in life where Zach and Grace were going to go out and face the world because, cars, dating and hell he was never ready for that. “The kids are grounded; they’re never leaving the house again.” Ben mumbled wondering what they were going to do.

Red☠Frost

[Stephanie Taylor]

[attr="class","Stephner"]

[attr="class","Stephner1"]

[attr="class","Stephback"]

[attr="class","Stephnert"]Knowing how Ben was feeling Stephanie could do little more than express herself in body language. Hugging him tight to her she smiled some. The Ben she knew didn’t give up on anything. All she could do was try and get him to see that again. Sometimes he could be difficult; but so could she. So all in all, it was probably just about even when they had to deal with each other at their lowest.

Stephanie had been picking up all the things that Ben had dropped the ball on it. Not once had she complained about doing it, that’s what people in relationships did. That’s what family did. Zach was far more mature than most kids his age, despite some of his teenage tendencies and trouble making he had a good heart and a good head on his shoulders. Something Stephanie sometimes felt guilty for him having to grow up so fast, but he’d done so and she was proud of him.

“Boden just knows I requested a leave of absence. I told him I needed to talk to you before I said anything specific about why.” Yeah Boden could probably fill in the blanks but that was neither here nor there at the moment. The point was Stephanie hadn’t said anything. She climbed up in the truck to be greeted with Ben giving her a lecture on the kids not driving. Cue a rather large annoyance. This was one subject they were not going to agree on.

“Yes, he is a responsible teenager who happens to have a stable job. He’s trustworthy and a little more independence would be good for him.” Though he continued on about cars not being safe. “We are trying to raise teenagers into adults Benjamin. We cannot put them in bubble wrap and pretend there isn’t this world out there. We both know it’s going to hit and hit hard but reliable transportation is a thing for a job, it’s part of being responsible.” Did she worry about Zach on the roads of Chicago? Hell yes she did but she also realized that their teenagers had to grow up. Sheltering them their whole lives wouldn’t do anything for them. So she'd just have to teach him to the best of her ability and trust that he listened.

“I know you worry, Benjamin. So do I. That’s just a part of being a parent.” Zach was close in age to Grace but far more mature. “Sometimes you have got to stop being selfish. Our job is to teach them and guide them through this hellhole we call life. If we don’t then it’s going to be a rude awakening for everyone when adulthood hits and it's right around the corner.” Her voice was not loud in volume but it was by no means a happy sounding tone at Benjamin’s pleading.

Her hand rested on her stomach. That’s when Ben mentioned something about the kids not leaving the house and she became irate. “You can’t ground my child Benjamin. He’s not yours to ground.” Her voice pointed, and not at all joking. If anyone is grounded it should be Ben but Stephanie decided to keep the last part to herself. So maybe she was down to playing dirty but no one had the right to tell her how her child should or should not grow up.

Ben had clearly set out to have an argument well now he’d also set off a pregnant, hormonal Stephanie. Putting her head against the window she just stared off anywhere but at Ben. The two were opposites when it came to a lot of things and they had two very different parenting styles. The rules and expectations were too different and she didn’t want to set a double standard but she’d raise her teenager how she saw fit and no one was going to stand in her way.

∵ Benjamin Taylor ∵

[attr="class","Stephner2"]

[attr="class","Stephnerlyric"]Flame that came from me
Fire Meet Gasoline, I’m burning alive

[attr="class","cred"]MADE BY VEL OF WW + ADOX 2.0

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[Benjamin Taylor]

|| TAG:Stephanie Taylor,|| WORDS: 0 ||
|| NOTES: ... ||

Ben returned her hug; he knew all too well he had been as far from himself that he knew. He still had to tell her about Grace yelling at him too though how that would go over; maybe it was best to stay silent on the subject. Ben knew Stephanie had taken on a lot, it was something he was grateful for and he knew he appreciated he only hoped he could return it. He wanted to prove to her again that he could take on life the way he had done though now he just wanted to be happy about the news of a baby.

“Thanks for telling me first.” Ben said with a grin as he climbed into the truck. Cue the disagreement, go figure he would managed to find the one subject that they would disagree on and cause an issue. They agreed on little but it was a thing that worked for them, most of the time. “I never said he wasn’t trustworthy and responsible. I just don’t want them to jump at something too soon.” Ben tried to explain his thinking on the matter though Stephanie was right, turning teenagers into adults, bubble wrap only worked for little kids and little they were far from now.

Ben was still trying to work out seeing the baby he had, the first steps, the birthday and now the daughter that would be behind the wheel of a car. A car was like a prom, a big deal but a bigger deal he figured for the adults because that meant freedom and freedom for them to make the ‘right’ choices. Ben could tell by Stephanie’s voice she was hardly happy with him, why did they have to disagree on the matter? “If we were teachers or bankers or paper pushers I think it would be easier. I see a car and I see the million ways it can be crushed and taken apart. I see our kids in that car and... I want them to make the right choices.” Ben said trying to explain his view point.

Just when he thought things could never get worse, anyone who remotely stated that or thought that had no idea what was around the corner. Just like the words spoken in that pointed voice, there it was. Ben made sure the truck was stopped as he glanced over at Stephanie. “So this is a yours and mine situation now?” He asked referring to the two teenagers. “Forgive me for thinking when we got married we became a family unit... we’d listen to each other’s points of view. I mean how unreasonable of me.” Ben said in an equally pointed tone.

He was directing about every emotion he had into a conversation that was as far from the right time or place as there could be. Stephanie had been right he should have given Britt and chance and talked to her but right now, he was happy, worried, sad and unsure about everything in life and felt like half the family was about to up and leave into the world. His little girl was a year or two away from a world that had taken so much from the two people sat in that truck and Stephanie was pointing out that there was a hers and his situation.

“I love Zach, he is as much a son to me as Grace is a daughter.” Ben stated, “I wanted to ask you about actually adopting him as ours if you wanted and were okay with that and Zach too. How do we work this out if we cannot agree on two teenagers?” Ben asked as his hands gripped the steering wheel. “Stephanie we’ve both lost so much, I just want to be sure both of them are able to go out and live a life, a fantastic life.” He said taking a breath, “I don’t want to lose another person from this family so yes I’m protective and I’m sorry if I’ve upset you. I want them to be ready for the world and I’ve no clue how to do that. I just want to protect them both.” Ben admitted as he turned away from her for a moment.

This was such a bad idea to even open his mouth, why had he not learned to just shut up, apologise, admit it was his fault and be done with it. He tried to admit it was his fault and say sorry though as normal he had no clue if that even came across as he meant it. All he wanted to do was hug Stephanie and never let her go, maybe he needed to throw himself into this therapy stuff and try more than sitting in an office for two seconds.

Red☠Frost

[Stephanie Taylor]

[attr="class","Stephner"]

[attr="class","Stephner1"]

[attr="class","Stephback"]

[attr="class","Stephnert"]They were parents of teenagers. Stephanie was still young in the whole scheme of things too. Well compared to Ben anyway. She’d never actually saw herself as married with kids. Life had happened and she wasn’t sure she was actually capable of raising a young child. Zach took on a lot because of her and Stephanie knew that. He was employed with the federal government and still trying to be a teenager.

Stephanie drove Zach to work everyday currently. Not that she minded but for someone with a federal job, driving would hardly be an afterthought. “He works for the federal government Benjamin. He’s not three, he’s more adult than some adults I know.” Well she wasn’t going to name names but there were certain people she had in mind. Hell given some of Stephanie’s crazy temper tantrums, her son was probably more adult than she was at times.

Stephanie saw Ben’s point about being behind the wheel of a car. “You can’t take away them growing up because of your fears Benjamin. It’s an important step in growing up and independence. One day they will be on their own with a family. Then what? You want them to not be able to support their families because they can’t drive. You have to stop babying them. They are miniature adults that need room to thrive. Parenting is more than just making sure that no harm comes to them.” She’d been there and seen the car wrecks too but it wasn’t like public transportation was the safest in Chicago either. Just walking out of the house in Chicago was a danger with all of the homicides that were on the rise.

“You are being completely unreasonable Benjamin, because you are afraid.” She shot off. Her fist slammed into the passenger side of her truck door. Anger management had never really been Stephanie’s thing. Arguing set her off like a ticking time bomb and it was time for that time bomb to erupt. “You are sitting here accusing me of not listening? How dare you.” She was done.

They had never even brought up adopting the teenagers. But here it was, in the middle of an argument. “You are talking to the wrong person. No part of that is my decision. That’s a conversation that you should be having with Zach.” Though she knew how Zach felt. She was about to say something else when Ben apologized.

Somehow after all of that arguing the apology felt hollow. Forced even. Ready for the world? He was kidding right? Ben and Stephanie were on two entirely different fronts on how to raise children. Grace had been living in a bubble and sometimes asked questions that Stephanie felt a teenager should already know. It was like talking to an inquisitive 10 year old at times. How much of that she accredited to overprotective parenting was up for debate. Though it wasn’t something she would voice. It was much unneeded criticism, but Stephanie tried to help and sometimes it felt like she should just step back and let Ben raise Grace the way he felt appropriate. She’d never really gotten that involved into making parenting decisions when it came to Grace.

Hands on the side of her head, Stephanie stared down at the floor and Achilles made his way into her lap from the floorboard at her feet. He started whining and nudging her. Stephanie was quiet as she ruffled his fur and stared out the window.

∵ Benjamin Taylor ∵

[attr="class","Stephner2"]

[attr="class","Stephnerlyric"]Flame that came from me
Fire Meet Gasoline, I’m burning alive

[attr="class","cred"]MADE BY VEL OF WW + ADOX 2.0

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[Benjamin Taylor]

|| TAG: Stephanie Taylor,|| WORDS: 0 ||
|| NOTES: ... ||

Ben was old enough to know what to do but since he had been on his own with it all, it was trial and error and he had no clue what he was doing half the time. With Zach he seemed to have everything together and was a whole new mini adult in himself which left him wondering what he had done wrong with Grace. Too lenient with her, too tough on her, too protective well he knew fine well he was way too protective of both teenagers given their conversation. He felt like he was too young to be watching a teenager of any kind becoming an adult right now.

“Oh I know Zach is more of an adult than me sometimes but are we at that age now? Are we at the whole letting them fly away and hope that we did things right well enough for them to stand on their own?” He knew the answer to that too but then it worried him. He was letting go of the family he had raised from birth, trying to hold on to another family member that was also going to be leaving and now they had created a whole new family member to try all over again with.

Ben felt his chest tighten when Stephanie mentioned their own families, Grace and Zach having kids that was enough to send him straight into heart failure as he sucked in a deep breath. They were only a few years off from where they had started their own families but that seemed so long ago. “What if I don’t know how to be that sort of parent Stephanie? How do I let go and let them thrive?” He asked her worried sick if they were late back from school or he heard anything about going to stay at a friend’s house.

He had managed to set Stephanie off again; he wished he knew how to stop doing that to her but then she was right with everything she said. “I’m sorry.” He said cautiously as he tried to think about what he was trying to do. “I’m trying so hard not to be like my parents, not to push them away too soon, not to let them get hurt, to let them know they can come home and there’s no judgement.” He mumbled knowing he had been about as far removed from life lately as he could get. The big picture was something he had missed and thinking about it now was only making things worse.

“I know and I will talk to him about it but I want to know if you’re okay if I do that? I know I’m not his parent and I want your approval to be happy with it if it’s what he wants. I don’t want to step on your toes.” Ben said having thought about it for a while, even things like work if anything happened. Stephanie was covered as a spouse, Grace as his daughter but Zach despite what was written in his will he wanted to be sure that he was as much family as everyone else which he was and he wanted it on paper too.

Ben glanced over at Stephanie seeing her hands on the side of her head as he pulled over the truck. He reached out his hand to rub soft circles on her back though he knew it was either a really bad move or a good one. Either way he was sure he would find out soon enough. “I really am sorry Stephanie, I know you’ve been dealing with a lot and you’ve no idea how sorry I am about that.” Ben admitted, his tone of voice telling her that he was serious.

“I’m going to ask for some time off so I can make it up to you and the kids, then we can go car shopping with Zach and we can get lessons for them both.” Ben said just as seriously, it was easier saying it than doing it but he had never been one to turn back on what he said so his word was as good as it got. “And I’m going to go and see Doc Severide too, so that I am entirely here for you and our new baby.” He said smiling at the word baby. It was terrifying and scary but he was happy and extremely happy that they were going to have a baby together.

Red☠Frost