Time is running out

[Brittany Severide]

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Outfit

Brittany pulled her jacket up around her. The air was a bit chilly this was her second winter in Chicago and she still wasn't used to the biting cold that Florida didn't bring. She had a heavy sweater on under her jacket. One would think she was in Alaska. She just had her head resting against Kelly's shoulder. Listening to the pastor speak at the funeral had been rough on her. She couldn't take back the last words she'd ever told her sister and she certainly couldn't fix any of that. Brittany had been allowed to come to the funeral but there was certainly a high federal police presence.

Lifting her head up from Kelly's shoulder Brittany moved to speak. "You ever just wish you could take back something you said? But you know you can't?" It was a question with a question inside of a question. She'd not really spoken about the last words she'd said to Paige, but they bothered her now. Her free hand rested on her stomach as she tried to settle the baby down. When Brittany stressed out so did their little one. She was trying to stay calm and collected but it wasn't easy. Her make up showed the hurt. Brittany had just made headway healing from Kathleen's death. She didn't want to slip backwards.

Brittany had told Tanner about Paige, but she knew they had never met. Honestly, she wasn't even sure he was going to show. South Carolina was a long trip to make it to a funeral of someone you didn't even know. But Brittany had felt she had to reach out to her only sibling. It wasn't fair to him either way to tell him or not tell him. If he was upset with her, then she couldn't blame him. Laying her head back down on Kelly's shoulder she stared off quiet once more. Anything to fight tears right now.

∵ @kellyseveride, Tanner Sutherland ∵

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[Tanner Sutherland]

Tanner had taken a full twenty-four hours deciding whether he'd make the trip from Columbia, South Carolina to Chicago, Illinois for a half-sister he'd never even met. Another sibling, and Brittany's twin to boot! The news had left him speechless. Until Brittany had contacted him, he hadn't even known Paige existed. A part of him was still furious with his older sister for not telling him sooner. It should have been his choice whether to try and pursue a relationship with Paige. Now he would never get that chance.

The funeral gnawed at older, unhealed wounds. Memories that were better left buried, though the last couple of days had gotten him thinking. Sometimes he was convinced this family was cursed. First mom, then Kathleen, dad, and Emily. Now Paige. Brittany was the only family he had left. Perhaps it was an overly sentimental decision, but the part of him that didn't want to leave had filled out an application for Chicago's fire department and submitted the paperwork online. He probably wouldn't accept the offer, if he got a phone call about the position.

Bundled as he was for the Chicago winter, Tanner still shivered in the cold air. Yup. Still definitely a Southern boy at heart. He stuffed his hands into his packets for additional warmth, keeping his distance at the back of the gathering. He didn't want to intrude. There were people here that knew Paige far better than he. Coming here had been a mistake. He turned to walk away and hesitated. He wasn't really going to turn his back on his sister, was he?

@kellyseveride , Brittany Severide

[Deleted]

Kelly nodded as Brittany asked him if he had ever wished that he could take back something he had said even though he knew he couldn't.
"Yes, all the time," he confessed. Right before Jones had killed herself, he had yelled at her for sitting at the Squad Table. Those had been his last words to her and that killed him. Granted, he knew that he hadn't thought it would be his last words to her, and it wasn't the same as losing a sibling, but that still haunted him at times.

He then held her close and he glanced at her, biting his lip when he saw that she was trying not to cry.
"It's okay, Babe. Let it out," he murmured. He then looked around, his brow furrowing a bit when he saw a guy looking at them as if trying to decide to stay or go. "Babe, is that your brother?" he said, gesturing to the man. He hadn't met the guy yet, so he wasn't really sure what he looked like. Yeah, he had seen pictures of him in his younger days and had a few of him now, but the guy was too far away for him to be sure.

[Brittany Severide]

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Brittany didn't notice Tanner at first until Kelly mentioned that he was there. She was only half listening to what Kelly was actually saying. Taking more comfort in the sound of his voice than anything. When it came to siblings, it was just her brother and her. She hadn't really thought much about her brother coming. Brittany lifted her head and reached up to kiss Kelly softly. His kiss could melt away most anything, she just wished it could melt away the pain of losing someone. But knowing he was here for her meant everything to her. "Yeah. I'll be right back babe" she stated wiggling herself free. If Kelly wanted to follow she was more than okay with him playing helicopter hubby; but she was going to go and see her brother.

The blonde wrapped her arms around her brother. He only had a few inches of height on her. Honestly Brittany didn't know what to say so she just wrapped her arms around him. It was good to see him but given the circumstances. Swallowing her breathe she carefully untangled and stepped back a few steps. It only took a few steps before she bumped into the familiar frame of her husband. She was so familiar with him that she didn't even bother to look up and see whe she'd bumped into.

Right, she should probably introduce the two of them. "Tanner this is my husband Kelly. Kelly my brother Tanner. If you two start talking Halligan's then I'm outta here" They were both firefighters, and while she didn't know about the transfer paperwork that Tanner had put in she did know that he was a firefighter. Well at least the last time she had spoken to him, that was the case. Right now anything was a distraction from what was going on as she shivered shoving her hands in her pockets. Florida girl in Chicago weather just didn't mix. It didn't last long until she was wrapped around Kelly again covering her face from the wind with her scarf. Spoiled Florida girl.

∵ Tanner Sutherland, @kellyseveride ∵

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[attr="class","sinnerlyric"]vegas and chicago
same difference

[attr="class","cred"]MADE BY VEL OF WW + ADOX 2.0

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[Deleted]

Kelly nodded as Brittany said that she'd be right back. Right. Like I"m going to let you go out on your own, he thought as he followed her. She was upset right now and there was no way that he was going to let her handle things by herself. Not that she couldn't. It was just that she shouldn't. He didn't want to be one of those guys who made it seem like his wife had to do take care of everything by herself because he didn't care about her. He was here to support her and if that included making sure that her siblings didn't screw with her head, so be it.

He then nodded at Brittany's sibling as she introduced them to one another, saying that if they started talking halligans, she was leaving.
"What house you with?" he asked. Hey, she was the one who had brought it up, so a simple q and a was in order. If she didn't like it, well, he'd deal with that later. After all, it wasn't like she could get pissed at him for asking...right? Right. He knew Britt and he knew that she was different than what he had grown up with, even if he sometimes forgot. And he knew that she hated that he got nervous around her every once in a while and he was working on it. Okay, he just had to concentrate on the guy in front of him. Focus on family.

[Tanner Sutherland]

Tanner was still toying with whether to leave or stay when Brittany marched over and wrapped him up in a great big hug that kept his arms pinned at his sides—all without saying a word. Any anger he'd directed at her melted away in that moment. How could he stay mad at her when she was all he had left? It seemed so silly. Letting him go, she took a couple of steps back and bumped into the man that had followed her over.

He offered his hand to Kelly, as Britt introduced them to each other. Tanner supposed he was going to have to start thinking of him as family, but this all seemed very sudden. "She means half-brother. Same mother. Different father," Tanner explained to Kelly, but his explanation sounded more bitter than he'd intended. None of this was Britt's fault—he certainly didn't see it that way. It was just that getting torn apart from your two sisters right after your mom had died would color anyone's perspective. Things might have been easier had he been able to lean on them for support. He'd hated having to move all the way to South Carolina to live with his dad—his real dad, but he'd been welcomed into the unfamiliar home and eventually grown to like it.

Then Kelly was asking what house he was assigned to. Tanner wasn't sure whether it was the circumstances, the timing, or both, but he actually got a good chuckle out of that, despite the solemn atmosphere of loss surrounding them. "You planning on having some friends in South Carolina keep an eye on me? I think you have this a bit backwards. I'm supposed to be the protective younger brother making sure you treat my big sister right."

He started to shift his weight from one foot to the other again, doing his best not to look uncomfortable, even though that's exactly what he was. He'd been through too many funerals already, and they stirred up too many memories... of mom, dad, and Emily, in particular. Nope. He wouldn't let there be any semi-awkward pauses that allowed his mind to dwell on that any more than it already had. Tanner looked from Kelly back to Britt. "I'm only out here for a couple more days. The best I could do on such short notice, but I couldn't not come when you told me."

Brittany Severide , @kellyseveride

[Brittany Severide]

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Brittany wasn't sure what to think about the hug not being reciprocated and she retreated to Kelly's arms burying herself in his shoulder. Sometimes she was thankful that Kelly knew when to hover and when to let her do her thing. Knowing he was worried about her, she didn't blame him at all for hovering. Brittany was still mad at herself. She'd been stupid. Disowning her twin had been perhaps her biggest regret, even more so than dating Vince.

Right. Let's get technical and correct her. Inwardly she cringed but outwardly she just went silent. It was probably just better not to say anything. Her mouth always got her into trouble anyway. She had not missed the bitter tones laced in Tanner's voice. Instead of walking away she just hugged Kelly tighter. He was her escape, and he could fix anything. He'd gotten her through Kathleen's death. It was a lot to ask of him to get her through Paige's too. Britt was all tears anyway. Tears of anger at herself, tears of self worthlessness, tears of regret, tears of sadness, remorse, and you name it. "It's not fair" she whispered in Kelly's ear. Life wasn't fair and she knew that.

'Protective younger HALF brother.' She corrected bitterly in her thoughts. He didn't get that right. He didn't get the right to watch over her if he wanted to distance himself. 'Stop it Brittany you did this to Paige and now look where it's landed everyone'. When she was addressed she was polite. "Despite the circumstances, it's good to see you again" that came off more polite and civil than it did genuine. Brittany still had not let go of Kelly. Right back to keeping her mouth shut unless someone spoke to her.

∵ Tanner Sutherland,@kellyseveride ∵

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[attr="class","sinnerlyric"]vegas and chicago
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[attr="class","cred"]MADE BY VEL OF WW + ADOX 2.0

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[Deleted]

Kelly continued to hold Brittany as Tanner corrected Brittany, saying that they were only half siblings, explaining that while they had the same mother, they had different fathers.
"Hey now, no need for the distinction. A sibling's a sibling. I didn't find out about my own until a few years back. Saw her with my dad and thought she was a new girlfriend," he responded. Okay, he was probably oversharing, but he didn't care. He wanted this kid to know that a sibling was a sibling and it didn't matter if it was half or full blooded. But then again, this was probably all new to them, just it had been for him and Katie at one point.

He then quirked an eyebrow at him as he asked him if he planned to have anyone follow him down to South Carolina to keep an eye on his, saying that he was supposed to be the protective younger brother making sure that he treated her right.
"Maybe," he said. Hey Voight owed him for threatening her, so he probably could ask him for a favor if he wanted. But did he really want to? He wasn't sure to be honest. No, right now, he was just focusing on holding her. That's what she needed and that's what he was going to give her. When Brittany said things weren't fair, he went to place a kiss on the top of her head. "I know, Baby," he murmured. Damn, I wish I could take this away for her, he thought to himself. But he couldn't. She was going through hell and there was nothing he could do to make it better, no matter how much he wished that he could.

He then fell silent as she told her brother that despite the circumstances, it was good to see him.
"Yeah, good to meet you," he said with a smile. Hopefully that didn't sound insincere, because it wasn't supposed to. He was just sick of all this crap happening to them.

[Tanner Sutherland]

Tanner recognized a familiar pattern when Britt retreated protectively into Kelly—how could he not? When they had been younger, she used to run to him and do that when... when something was wrong. If he and Britt knew each other like a brother and sister should, this wouldn't be a problem, but the years had been unkind to them both in that respect. He wanted to kick himself, a feeling made worse by the internal struggle he'd been wrestling with earlier over how upset he should be with her. Something had gotten to her and he needed to fix whatever this was.

Especially if this was his fault, and he was fairly certain it was. It certainly wasn't Kelly's fault—not when she was clinging to him. Tanner had just reunited with his sister and he had already managed to screw this up. Not a great start.

He took a time-out to review everything he'd said and how he'd said it. And he kept coming back to one thing in particular: the bitter tone he'd struck when clarifying they were half-siblings. No, that hadn't been what he'd meant! It was no wonder Britt was shirking away from him. She must have thought he was trying to distance himself from their relationship, but that was the last thing he wanted. On the contrary, he agreed with Kelly. "Britt, listen to me. I hate the fact we were half-siblings. I hate it, because after mom died, they came to tear us apart. Do you remember how devastating that was for me? I always used to follow in your shadow... wherever you went. You were my big sister. You are my big sister. Nothing will ever change that."

Tanner was still trying to do undo the mess he had created; he didn't want his sister to think he hated her because nothing could be further from the truth. He just didn't know if it was working or not. "You remember those letters we used to exchange? Your dad didn't want us communicating, but we did anyways. If it hadn't been for those, if it hadn't been for you, I don't think I would have gotten through those early years half as well as I did."

He shifted his weight again. He was still freezing… still so unsure of where he stood with either of them. Tanner looked at the ground, staring at his shoes. "So... yeah, I may be uncomfortable seeing you again and not knowing what to expect, but I've never stopped caring about you." Even if he'd been upset with her for not telling him about Paige sooner… at the end of the day, this was his sister. He'd never been able to stay mad at her. "Maybe we should try this again?"

@kellyseveride , Brittany Severide

[Brittany Severide]

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Brittany just let Kelly do the talking for right now. "Hey now, no need for the distinction. A sibling's a sibling. I didn't find out about my own until a few years back. Saw her with my dad and thought she was a new girlfriend." Brittany didn’t have anything to add to what Kelly had just said because it was exactly how she felt. The psychologist in Brittany couldn’t help but see that her brother was having some sort of internal struggle with himself. That too stung bitterly and she was suddenly feeling more anger at her father for that. Anger because it took a mutual friend willing to be a third party mailbox for them. Just so they could write back and forth. When their friend Sabrina graduated and moved off to college it got harder to write.

“Maybe” came Kelly’s voice breaking her from her train of thought. Easy Kelly she knew he was getting a bit protective. Kelly’s experience with her family had been her father and that hadn’t gone well so she didn’t blame him for being protective of her. But Tanner was most definitely not Joshua or Vince.

"Britt, listen to me. I hate the fact we were half-siblings. I hate it, because after mom died, they came to tear us apart. Do you remember how devastating that was for me? I always used to follow in your shadow... wherever you went. You were my big sister. You are my big sister. Nothing will ever change that."

Brittany chose not to remember the day she’d bitten the social worker. Her father had not handled that well at all. "It's not fair" She just kept arms around Kelly. “I know, Baby” Brittany was listening to Tanner talk. "You remember those letters we used to exchange? Your dad didn't want us communicating, but we did anyways. If it hadn't been for those, if it hadn't been for you, I don't think I would have gotten through those early years half as well as I did."

Despite everything, it took a lot to get Brittany to turn her back on someone. She hadn’t even done that to the one man who deserved it most in her life. Staring at his shoes, his body language suggested he had self esteem problems stemming from somewhere. "So... yeah, I may be uncomfortable seeing you again and not knowing what to expect, but I've never stopped caring about you." Now was the wrong time for her to talk. Afraid that if she said anything she was going to lose it. Tears streamed down her face.

"Yeah, good to meet you,"

"Maybe we should try this again?" Try what again? The last some two decades and then some? “Okay” she agreed but she had so many red flags going off in her head. He was hurting, and a time like this she was vulnerable. Brittany had gone off on patients about her own past just to make them realize that they weren’t alone. Sacrificing her own well being for her job. The baby reminded Brittany that she didn’t like to be upset. Brittany ran her hand to the side of her stomach.

“After I left Florida.. I came here. I went back once but soon realized why I left it in the first place.” Brittany rubbed her head on Kelly’s shoulder when she mentioned moving to Chicago. He was the reason she moved to Chicago and it wasn’t worth trading. There was a standing restraining order on her dad and her ex boyfriend. They weren’t allowed near her anymore. More information than Tanner really needed right now. “I’m happy here” she smiled some at her brother though she stayed just to close as Kelly as she had been before. Though she wasn’t really sure what else to do. Everything right now seemed awkward, it was either too stand offish or too close for ‘half-siblings’. As much as she didn’t want to admit that, it was stuck with her now.

So Brittany reached her hand out, palm stretched upwards. Was it so wrong to want to hug them both? The whole conversation she was distracted from the funeral from earlier.

∵ Tanner Sutherland,@kellyseveride ∵

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[Deleted]

Kelly was silent as Brittany's brother began to speak again, saying that he hated the fact that they were only half siblings, reminding her of how people tried to tear them about after their mother's death, asking if she remembered how devastating that had been for him, saying that he had followed her around and that nothing would change the fact that she was his big sister. Sounds like he got screwed pretty bad, he thought to himself. Like, seriously, who would tear siblings apart after a parent's death? That just wasn't right. And yup. His protectiveness was in full swing.

He then let out a soft smile as the other boy talked about letters that they had exchanged when they were younger, reminding her that her dad hadn't wanted them to correspond with one another but that they had anyway, telling her that he wouldn't have made it through his younger years half as well as he had without them.
"Sounds like you guys were close," he commented. Sort of wish I had had something like that, he thought to himself. Then again, he wouldn't have wanted anyone else to be exposed to the crazy childhood he had had, not to mention the abuse he had suffered at his mother's hands.

He nodded as the younger boy said that even though he was uncomfortable because he wasn't sure what to expect, he still cared about her, wondering if they could try again. Sounds good to me, but up to her, he thought to himself.
"Your call, Babe," he said softly. The last thing he wanted to do was push her into something she wasn't ready for. Only she would know when she was ready to face something and he'd support her decision, no matter what it was. If she was ready to accept Tanner back into her life, fine. If not, that was okay too. What was she thinking? She hadn't said anything and he didn't want to push her into talking. Huh...he sounded like her now. Maybe some of her shrink tendencies was rubbing off on him.

[Tanner Sutherland]

Tanner nodded when Kelly observed he and Britt and been really close. The times they'd spent together as little kids... those were some of his favorite memories. "We were. We just... fell out of contact when Sabrina—a friend of ours and our intermediary—couldn't keep passing letters between us."

Things had gone downhill for both siblings after their mother's death, but at least Britt appeared to be happy now. More than he could say for himself, but in no way should his troubles detract from the happiness she had found outside of Florida. She deserved that. Maybe a move from South Carolina to Illinois would do the same for him? Perhaps it was wishful thinking, but after Emily... maybe wishful thinking was exactly what he needed. Besides, having Britt around again would be... nice. That was one change he wouldn't mind adjusting to.

There were certainly times he would have liked to have his big sister present, to talk to, to confide in when a letter just wouldn't cut it—or, later, after they had lost touch. That didn't have to define them moving forward. Britt held out her hand towards him—and this time he didn't hesitate. Maybe things were getting back to something resembling normal... something resembling a family. How could he say no? "I missed you, Britt."

Tanner didn't know where they went from here, but for now, this was enough.

Brittany Severide , @kellyseveride