Gondola, Gondola... To Venice - Tagged

[Deleted]

we've lost it all my heart is beating im gonna pass the test Gabriela Dawson Matt shook his head. “Sensible is being here with you.” He played with a few strands of her hair. He hadn’t been able to say much to her before the news had come in. Whatever was running through Gabby’s mind, Matt knew it couldn’t be good. They already had two strikes at this whole beginning to parent thing and it was not a fun start. Matt didn’t call her on her tears, this was an emotional time for both of them. He was angry and happy at the same time. He knew that Gabby wanted this; but he was also scared because what if something happened. Matt just kissed the top of her head. His arms securely wrapped around her but not more loving than protective. He wished that he could protect her from the emotions right, but he knew that loving her through anything was as easy as one foot in front of the others. Matt took Gabby snapping at him. She’s just letting go of emotion he told himself. There was no retort. He knew he was more likely to hide things than take it out on Gabby. He was good at that. There was no telling what was going on in her head either. That was until she pushed him away. He took her hand down from her face and laced his fingers with hers. “Gabriela Casey.” He stated shaking his head. “For better for worse. Til death do we part.” He wasn’t going anywhere. She was hurting and there was no way in hell he was walking away. But was she willing to walk away so easily? Matt started questioning it. There was no way he could handle that. Though stuck his internal monologue on pause. He needed a stop sign, not a can of worms. Notes , other cool stuff

credit to nat of adoxography.

[Gabriela Dawson]

Gabby smiled at him when he said sensible was being there with her, how she thought that statement might change with the minutes that passed after the news hit. Being a parent had been what she had wanted to do, first their baby and then Louie but a third even thinking of the possibility even though it was reality was enough to make her head spin. Literally they were just married and a child had been far from her mind, everything was small steps. Married and then just see what happened because planning had never been their friend. The best plans always went awry and not even their honeymoon surprises just kept on coming.

Angry, sad, confused and mixed up in general she hardly knew what was to go or what feeling to try to feel first. Even the minute she realised before she had been happy and then worried and then extremely happy about it. She could have done anything that day but this day, this day right now she felt like she wanted to find a corner, curl up, cry and never come out again. What if this baby was never meant to be, what if something happened or what if for a second time she disappointed Matt but this time they were married. It meant the world to her but what if she was unable to have a family with Matt what then?

The minute his arms securely wrapped around her she felt safe, it was just them just the two of them but it felt like the world had just been shaken again. It was no fire or head injury, no crash or fall just two words ‘you’re pregnant’ that managed to tear things in her head apart. She knew snapping at Matt was hardly the right thing to do but then it was a half and half situation, so yes in her head he was to blame as much as she was which both annoyed her and had her feeling guilty for her outburst as she glanced away from him.

Gabby gazed at Matt when he took her hand down from her face and laced his fingers with hers. She smiled weakly when he said her name; or rather her married name which in her mind sounded a tad foreign to her but she loved it none the less. Gabby was trying to forgo any awkwardness in the inevitable breakup she foresaw given last time with Louie and the baby before that. She hardly wanted to walk away and would fight if he let her but if he said no then how could she fight that and make him unhappy.

“Matthew Casey.” She stated trying to find the right words though he had just said the thing she wanted to hear more than ever. “You’ll make a fantastic father.” She said as she practically launched herself at him hugging him tightly as she knew he would be lost in his own head. He kept things to himself and then came the taking it out on anyone but her. Gabby stood on tiptoes to kiss him for a moment before she gazed at him. “What are you thinking Matt? What’s in your head?” She asked knowing if she was unable to figure herself out or her own feelings she would go directly at the next best thing and that was Matt. If she could figure him out then that was as good as with her usual not so subtle style of being direct and not giving up.

@matt,

[Deleted]

we've lost it all my heart is beating im gonna pass the test Gabriela Dawson Matt understood why Gabby was so confused about everything. Nothing could go right for them. He totally understood her anger and confusion. He was similarly the same; but deep down he knew this was what Gabby wanted to have was a family. He brushed his hand on the side of her face and tried his best to smile towards her. Matt was happy because Gabby was happy but seeing her like this. He wasn’t sure what he felt. Her apprehension towards him, he filed it away and didn’t mention it. More so because he knew it wasn’t really her talking but what more could he do? It wasn’t like he could just insta fix everything. That didn’t mean he didn’t try. Matt caught Gabby trying to keep her expression hidden from him. It was a game he knew well. Though he brushed it off, not letting it get to him. Well, it did get to him he just remained calm letting Gabby get all of this out of her system. It was a hard time for both of them. He was trying to keep his mind off of the same what if’s and should be’s as she was. Though he still hadn’t voiced them. Matt went from having a wife who was confused and not sure what she wanted, to one completely gung ho head first into the whole thing. Okay. so she knew what she wanted but like him she was on afraid of all the unanswered questions and everything else that went with it. Matt rubbed Gabby’s back when she launched into his arms. Matt smiled kissing her back softly. Then she just came out and asked him what he was thinking. None of it was any good. “Just worried about you.” He kissed the top of her head. It wasn’t a lie, it just wasn’t a complete rundown of all the second guessing he was going in his head. He smiled and played with her hair. “But you knew that already.” Notes , other cool stuff

credit to nat of adoxography.

[Gabriela Dawson]

Family was all she had wanted and twice now that had been taken away for the various reasons. Was it actually meant to be at any point, she had tried twice been over the moon twice and now a third time she was the furthest thing from ecstatically excited about it. Gabby stared up at Matt trying to find what was appropriate other than wishing it was a bug which now seemed to be entirely stupid given she was a paramedic and should have figured it out before getting to the hospital.

It was like watching a castle fall to the ground, to think that the person she loved might be torn apart again. Last time the two had gone their separate ways, she had adopted Louie and that had ended badly now there they both were again. The same dance and her head was trying not to take the leap to the inevitable breakup in her head, it happened before and this time there was a ring which just made everything that much more complicated.

She felt caught between what she felt and the fear of losing Matt. He had been through the first glimpse into family, the second one he had come around eventually and now they were back at the start. Gabby knew Matt was going through the same too but he could always keep a calm head about things, she had gone off at Kelly and Matt was the person taking her aside and calming her down but now this. She was doing her best to be there when she could barely figure out what she wanted to do with any of it.

Gabby could feel herself relax under his touch, he had always had that effect on her though in that moment it meant more to her than ever before as she realised he was still there when he spoke. He was still stood with her crazy self and he was worried about her. With a sigh she smiled up at him and nodded, “I knew that part.” She said, well if he had been worried before she could only imagine it now though that was different she guessed when she had her head over a water way.

Her hands held onto his shirt as she took a breath, “Matt, honestly... what are you thinking?” She asked deciding to push it. If she could figure him out then she could figure out her own head she thought. “What do you want to do about any of this?” She asked not entirely sure she had the answer to that so what his would be she hardly knew.

@matt,

[Deleted]

we've lost it all my heart is beating im gonna pass the test Gabriela Dawson Matt wasn’t shocked that Gabby wasn’t ecstatic about the whole situation. This was a time of mixed emotions. Gabby was just much better at outletting her emotions sooner than Matt. He’d learned not to run away from things since their break up but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t going to hide some of his feelings right now. Gabby needed support, not him falling apart. Matt watched Gabby’s gaze and he put his arms around her. “We are going to be okay.” He could give her that reassurance. He wasn’t going to go as far as to say that everything would be okay because he was still apprehensive about things himself but he knew that this time he wasn’t turning away from her. Matt kissed the top of her head and pulled away but kept his arm snaked around her back. “Well okay then Mrs. Know it all” he teased lightly. Matt was just trying to get her to smile, even if it was temporary. Getting her mind off things for just a split second was worth seeing a smile on her face. Though he had no idea if she was going to smack him for it or appreciate him for it. He was walking on thin ice but then Matt was Matt and that wasn’t about to change. Though he was worried about her, and in more ways than one. “It’s complicated and a mess and you have better things to worry about then what’s going on in my head.” He brushed some hair from her face. “Just know we will get through this together. That’s a promise Gabby.” That was all she really needed to know. Reaching down he kissed her lips. She was not on her own and he was going to get her to realize this. Notes , other cool stuff

credit to nat of adoxography.

[Gabriela Dawson]

Gabby wanted to know what to do; it was the unknowns that worried her. She knew her job as a paramedic, as a fire-fighter and there were sets of rules attached to each. A set way of thinking to handle each situation to the best of their ability. Leeway was used of course but she had no set rules or book or examination that would prove her fit for any of this. There was no way of knowing what would happen and landing in Venice was supposed to be their honeymoon not a bombshell of ‘hey this is happening right now’ to face.

Gazing up at him Gabby smiled, “We are?” She said though phrased more of a question. How could any of this be going to be okay. She wanted so badly to believe him and yes she was more than half way their already and yet she still felt that growing sense of fear. Tomorrow, two days or three weeks from that moment and it could all change again as she wondered if children were ever meant to be in her future or their future at all. It was far from a greater plan and maybe that was how it was supposed to be for them.

The feeling of his arms snaked around her and the kiss to the top of her head kept her calm in a way only he could do. His touch, his voice it was enough to give her the believe that they would be okay no matter what happened even if she was terrified of it. His teasing had her glaring for a split second, how could be possibly do that at a time like this though her smile soon followed given that her split second of potentially being mad at him left as soon as it had arrived.

“I thought you knew you married Mrs. Know it all?” She stated still smiling up at him. “It goes along with the vow that Gabby is always right, thou shalt not argue when Gabby is always right.” She knew that was far from what had been said but then she was only teasing him and anything that kept her mind off what was in her head was welcome to her. She shook her head when he said she had better things to worry about than what was going on in his head. There was nothing better to worry about because she was just as worried about him.

Gabby could have collapsed into his arms when she said they would get through it together. He honestly had no idea how much she needed to hear that as tears threatened to make another appearance until he kissed her lips. Kissing him back she could have lost herself there and then as she held onto him. “I’ve nothing better to worry about than you Matt Casey and don’t you go thinking otherwise. So what’s in your head or do I have to force it out of you?” She asked as her hand found its way to the back of his neck as he fingers played lightly over it.

Gabby had every intention of either option if she had to. It was only fair to make sure he was alright or to find out what he was thinking about it all. She had her ways to work and with Matt she loved him so there was no limit to what she would do to make sure he was alright. “And thank you Matt, for being the greatest partner and husband even if you were a pretty strict lieutenant.” She added smirking for a second.

@matt,

[Deleted]

we've lost it all my heart is beating im gonna pass the test Gabriela Dawson Matt needed to tell Gabby exactly what they needed to do. Going into the unknown he knew was a sticking point for her. He kissed the top of her forehead. He knew it was comforting. Pushing some hair from her face he moved to face her. “We have a honeymoon to enjoy babe. Let’s take things a little at a time.” Come hell or high water he was going to make sure that she enjoyed their honeymoon. “It’s getting late, why don’t we go back to the hotel? You rest up a bit and we can enjoy the day tomorrow." Matt knew that his wife was going to fight taking things easy while they were here but he also knew that she needed to be careful. Matt was afraid of what would happen if their child didn’t make it this time. He knew one miscarriage made it a higher risk for things this time. One of those random bits of information he remembered hearing while they had been at med. He was feeling protective over his family. Not much had changed in those regards. “We are.” He ascertained. If it was one thing he knew, it was that he was going to stand by her through anything. He was afraid things might not end up being the way they planned. It was annoying and painful at times. “I’m not going anywhere.” He knew he was not about to make the same stupid mistake twice. Part of him knew he had to prove that he was capable of not making the same mistake again. Matt sometimes liked getting Gabby worked up, and seeing her glare he knew he had poked the bear. But she was so adorable when she glared like that. Smiling he could only be amused at her question. “You just keep thinking that.” He teased as he lightly drew a hand up her side and to her neck. Gently massaging her neck to get her to relax as he riled her up. If he could get her in a decent mood this would all be worth it. Matt just shook his head and wrapped arms snugly around her waist. “I just want you to be happy.” Matt could handle his demons at a later time. The worry wouldn’t go away. He was fairly certain he was going to be a wreck for months. Gabby was the only thing on his mind right now. Her and her well-being. Sure there was more involved in that but the bottom line was that it was about her. Notes , other cool stuff

credit to nat of adoxography.

[Gabriela Dawson]

The moment he kissed the top of her forehead she could believe even if it was just for that one moment that all was right with the world. That one action that meant so much to her as she gazed up at him as he pushed some hair from her face. “Little at a time is good.” She said not sure she could take many more surprises that day at all as she had completely forgotten why they were in Venice in the first place. Gabby rolled her eyes at the mention of resting up a bit, really resting was he really going to go there and think she would?

“Matt...” She said as if warning him of her plans, rest was far from what she was going to do though maybe a little more rest than she had first thought. “Fine, it’s late so we can go back to the hotel and enjoy it a little then enjoy tomorrow too.” She said smirking at him for a moment. “It’s not like you can get me pregnant again anyway.” Was it too soon to make that joke? Well it was happening so what was the point in dancing around it though it still felt odd to even make a joke out of it.

There had been so much information last time that Gabby was trying to think of anything that would help. She remembered being sat there and talked to but it was all just a blur, it made sense yet no sense at all followed by a numbness that seemed to consume her whenever she thought about asking something because that made it real. It made a loss real if she spoke about though now she had ‘risk’ practically tattooed to her forehead as tried to work out if resting was going to help or not.

To hear him say ‘we are’ again put her mind at rest some, if there was one person in the world she trusted it was Matt more than anyone else and if he said they were okay then they were okay. “Thank you.” She said taking a much needed breath, not going anywhere was one of her other biggest fears. Last time she had handled it like a brick to the head and rushed into to practically everything she could do head first and to go through all of that again. Gabby hardly knew if she had strength for that. “I’m not going anywhere either then.” She stated.

Him smiling only made her glare worse as she wondered how he could possible smile when she was glaring at him. It frustrated her like nothing else could yet she loved it just as much too. She smiled back feeling his hand massaging her neck, Gabby relaxed under his touch as she nodded. “Trust me I will and you know it too. The sooner you accept this, the easier things will be.” She teased feeling a lot better than she had done a while ago. Nothing could have ever prepared her for that diagnosis at all but now, now it seemed like no one was going anywhere and that was all she needed to hear.

Gabby smiled up at him and nodded, “I want you to be happy too but you’ve no idea how happy I am.” She said knowing that she might not have showed it in the last hour but she was happy. Happier than she had been for years and that was all thanks to Matt. “You make me happy Matt, the wedding, being with you. It all makes me happy and you’re responsible for that.” She said smiling as she relaxed in his arms as she placed hers around his neck lightly. “You’re responsible for a lot of other things too but we can deal with all of that later.” She said as she poked at his sides teasingly as she smirked.

@matt,