You don't... nevermind

[Deleted]

James Reagan

tag

words

"I'm not avoiding him. He's just worried about me and I don't need to give him anymore reasons to worry" Once they were settled and had made their orders James rose a brow at her "I don't recognize the number that called" James crossed his arms and leaned forward on the table as he looked sideways at her, true but she still seemed to be avoiding someone "Though to be fair... Ben thinks I am at home. I didn't tell him I was out" James shook his head “It’s kinda normal for us to worry over our spouses and our spouses to worry over us” he replied softly. As the coffees arrived James indicated the black coffee with one hand as he edged it closer towards her “Drink up, Sober is good” he commented before picking up his own and taking a sip, as he placed it back down he sat back and crossed his arms “Tell me more about this ‘Ben’ that makes you not want him to worry” he was probing, but he knew also that from the sounds of it, talking was all she needed and well, he’d get to the other stuff later when she had sobered up a little more. Granted, he knew she probably needed to hear it more than anything else, but not whilst she was still slightly drunk.

notes

♡

[Stephanie Taylor]

[attr="class","tomhov"]

TAG
@james

NOTES

Normal to worry? How was being... yeah she worried but she didn't... No wait yes she did start arguments when she was worried. Her and Ben were a lot like each other in those regards, even if they were not much of the same in other ways. Stephanie was not the biggest fan of coffee but when she did drink it, then it was almost always black.

"Just work. He knows what I see. I think something's up; but I don't know. We all see things on the job; just... You know I dont like when people worry about me." she shrugged taking a sip of the coffee in front of her. "I just second guess my decisions instead of going with my instincts." She added lightly.

STEPHANIE HARRIS
HEY NUTCASE! STOP BITING THE COMMAND STAFF

✿

[newclass=.tomhov]font-family:calibri;font-size:11px;color:#666666;text-align:center;vertical-align: middle;width:400px;height:250px;overflow:auto;position: absolute;margin-left: -50px;background-color:#040404;opacity:0;-webkit-transition: all 0.5s linear;-moz-transition: all 0.5s linear;-o-transition: all 0.5s linear;-ms-transition: all 0.5s linear;-o-transition: all 0.5s linear;transition: all 0.5s linear;[/newclass]
[newclass=.tomhov:hover]margin-left:0px;opacity:1;-webkit-transition: all 0.5s linear;-moz-transition: all 0.5s linear;-o-transition: all 0.5s linear;-ms-transition: all 0.5s linear;-o-transition: all 0.5s linear;transition: all 0.5s linear;[/newclass]

[Deleted]

James Reagan

tag

words

"Just work. He knows what I see. I think something's up; but I don't know. We all see things on the job; just... You know I dont like when people worry about me." James snorted nodding, watching her take a sip of her coffee he studied her. She'd been through a lot over the years, as he watched her he still couldn't get rid of the image of ... yeah stop right there... James' eyes very lightly tightened before he blinked and focused on her "I just second guess my decisions instead of going with my instincts." James pocketed his hands, still leaning back he glanced around before looking back at her “Gonna go out on a limb here, maybe this guy - Ben - knows you’re worried about him too?” he offered “You guys I’m guessing fight more when you’re busy worrying about each other” a beat and removing his hands from his pocket he leaned forward on the table wrapping his hands around his mug as he looked sideways at her “You need to find a middle ground else you’ll just fight each other to oblivion and that’s no good, you need each other” James looked down at the coffee for a moment, taking a gulp he swallowed the hot liquid and looked again at her, he knew what he was saying, even he and Mya fought but it was the 'I can look after myself' kind of bickering from his wife who always tried to do what James tried to keep her from doing, over time though she mellowed out once she had the twins, but before that she was always trying to jump ahead of him and not allowing him to be protective of her, you could say James was the same way in a sense when Mya tried to protect him - eventually though - they had found a middle ground - then came marriage “You second guess everything because that’s all you’ve known for a long time” he said softly.

notes: James stop being so anxious... GAH

♡

[Stephanie Taylor]

[attr="class","tomhov"]

TAG
@james

NOTES

Why did James always have to hit the nail on the head when wandering around on limbs? It really drove her nuts. "We mostly fight when someone's hurt." She sighed. "Or on calls. When I went into the fire after his daughter... our lieutenant kept him outside. He told me not to go in. I did it anyway. Just doing my job. I broke protocol, we fought, but Grace was safe." She took a sip once more of the coffee. Oh she had taken her mask off so that Grace could get fresh air. Was it so wrong to put his child before herself. Yeah that had caused a major fight.

Steph and Ben was always something along those lines of 'let me do my job' and 'Stephanie that was stupid you could have gotten yourself killed' then there was 'Did you even look before you did that?' and there was telling him to 'shut up' because there was more important things than whatever it was that was being said at the time. Though her personal favorite always started with 'Why is it you always say you’re alright when you’re not?' It was exactly that, a fight to be the protective one.

There was no middle ground for Benjamin and Stephanie, there was arguing til one of them broke or until the other one saw how stupid they were being for arguing. But Stephanie was not numb to it and she didn't think Ben was either. They were two opposites who were hot heads who could fight over the color of the grass if given half the chance. When he said she second guessed herself because it was all she knew for a while she just raised a brow. What was he on about?

STEPHANIE HARRIS
HEY NUTCASE! STOP BITING THE COMMAND STAFF

✿

[newclass=.tomhov]font-family:calibri;font-size:11px;color:#666666;text-align:center;vertical-align: middle;width:400px;height:250px;overflow:auto;position: absolute;margin-left: -50px;background-color:#040404;opacity:0;-webkit-transition: all 0.5s linear;-moz-transition: all 0.5s linear;-o-transition: all 0.5s linear;-ms-transition: all 0.5s linear;-o-transition: all 0.5s linear;transition: all 0.5s linear;[/newclass]
[newclass=.tomhov:hover]margin-left:0px;opacity:1;-webkit-transition: all 0.5s linear;-moz-transition: all 0.5s linear;-o-transition: all 0.5s linear;-ms-transition: all 0.5s linear;-o-transition: all 0.5s linear;transition: all 0.5s linear;[/newclass]

[Deleted]

James Reagan

tag: Stephanie Taylor

words

"We mostly fight when someone's hurt." James nodded, he understood that "Or on calls. When I went into the fire after his daughter... our lieutenant kept him outside. He told me not to go in. I did it anyway. Just doing my job. I broke protocol, we fought, but Grace was safe." James’ eyes widened slightly, but he didn't move from his relaxed stance “You did what?” he asked, oh yeah his ears had perked up, but there was nothing in his tone that indicated anything more than just worry, he didn’t tend to jump all over Steph over the things she chose to do, she was good at just going above and beyond what was asked of her, sure she probably shouldn’t have but it was who she was and James understood that "Not that I'm gonna have a go" he added quietly.

The kind of jobs they did, they were never easy - cops, firefighters, medics - there was nothing easy about it and if they threw themselves in the line of fire or into harms way to save another, they chose to do that, but their loved ones took the brunt of the pain, either they were on the outside looking in or they were on the inside unable to step out of the 'personal'.

notes

♡

[Stephanie Taylor]

[attr="class","tomhov"]

TAG
@james

NOTES

“You did what?” Oh she heard him. "I took my mask off so that Grace could get air" she explained. They weren't supposed to take their masks off. That was against every manual they had. Why was she trying to sit here and explain this to law enforcement? Then again James was more than law enforcement. Her hand circled the rim. "I tried to give up my badge. Just sometimes I wonder if it would change anything. But then I look back on days like that and... who else would have kept him out of that fire?" she shrugged.

"You know those calls we used to get, the kind that stayed with us for too long? The kind we would lose only when we had something even more bizarre?" Being CID they had seen a lot of strange and unsual things. "This one stays with me. Grace told me I was coughing up hairballs" she chuckled. Well they hadn't been hairballs they had been from the smoke. "I guess the ones that hit close to home, stay a little bit longer" she reasoned. They all knew that but Stephanie was just talking even if it was all the obvious. It was a bunch of pent up emotions that she'd been sitting on since the fight.

STEPHANIE HARRIS
HEY NUTCASE! STOP BITING THE COMMAND STAFF

✿

[newclass=.tomhov]font-family:calibri;font-size:11px;color:#666666;text-align:center;vertical-align: middle;width:400px;height:250px;overflow:auto;position: absolute;margin-left: -50px;background-color:#040404;opacity:0;-webkit-transition: all 0.5s linear;-moz-transition: all 0.5s linear;-o-transition: all 0.5s linear;-ms-transition: all 0.5s linear;-o-transition: all 0.5s linear;transition: all 0.5s linear;[/newclass]
[newclass=.tomhov:hover]margin-left:0px;opacity:1;-webkit-transition: all 0.5s linear;-moz-transition: all 0.5s linear;-o-transition: all 0.5s linear;-ms-transition: all 0.5s linear;-o-transition: all 0.5s linear;transition: all 0.5s linear;[/newclass]

[Deleted]

James Reagan

tag

words

"I took my mask off so that Grace could get air" Well, James could understand why Ben might have been upset, but again - Steph was the type to put others above herself, especially those she cared for - even if it meant her own safety was at risk - but what if Steph hadn’t gone in? Ben wouldn’t have been allowed in, maybe no one had gone in, what then? Would Steph be able to have that guilt raging down on her on top of the rest of the stuff in her head? Would Ben have been able to take knowing that Steph didn’t go in, and he himself wasn’t able to go in - no one could live with that hanging over their heads. Sometimes James wondered if had he been able to go with Mya to the courthouse would he have been able to protect her? Probably not as he knew what Mark was capable of, but that had taken time to accept. James knew it went against the rules of their jobs to do things like that but they usually ended up having to go against rulebooks, even James had "I tried to give up my badge. Just sometimes I wonder if it would change anything. But then I look back on days like that and... who else would have kept him out of that fire?" James nodded his understanding "You know those calls we used to get, the kind that stayed with us for too long? The kind we would lose only when we had something even more bizarre?" James nodded, he always had those, he had many that hung around like a bag of weights on his head reminding him. "This one stays with me. Grace told me I was coughing up hairballs" James snorted, Hairballs - nice picture. He took a sip of his coffee again "I guess the ones that hit close to home, stay a little bit longer" James nodded again, absently rubbing at his side as his ribs prodded him, reminding him of their presence - yep thoughts had just entered his mind, causing his 'reminder' to perk up, he took no notice he took a sip of the coffee again before studying her, he was glad though that she seemed to be doing okay, settling down if you will. "The ones that hit close to home, they're always gonna do that" he replied a beat and James studied her "You've always done what's right, don't tell me you're actually considering walking away again?" he asked, they'd touched on it at the bar but James wanted to dig deeper.

notes

♡

[Stephanie Taylor]

[attr="class","tomhov"]

TAG
@james

NOTES

Stephanie hated what if's and would haves, they were always seen as could have's and failures. That was one of her greatest downfalls. The fact is Stephanie would lay her life on the line for anyone she trusted. She would and had killed for those very same people. Inside she had been eating herself up over all of this. On the outside? She was pushing people away, starting arguments and running away from everything she was fighting for.

Stephanie knew that Ben would take losing Grace the hardest of all. She was not going to let that happen to him again. Stephanie knew she hid her own wounds. It took one to know one and she knew Ben was hiding something. Then again, she wasn't exactly miss share everything, so could she really blame him for that? "I don't want to screws this up." She ascertained as she flipped her hand around the coffee mug. She was more staring at the coffee than drinking it, though she eventually took the cup to her lips.

"What's right? Sometimes I think being in those fires... I'm afraid that worry drives us all. That the split second it takes something to happen. That one moment the worry distracts one of us." Stephanie was still new to this. The woman was not a seasoned firefighter. She was only in her second year and she was still the first year on the squad. The woman was a seasoned cop, and that is what made sense to her.

Ben was the one who had been at this almost two decades. He was the one with the fire fighting experience. She'd seen the burns. You didn't get burned like he did without some sort of lasting trauma. Something ran through the guy's head something he didn't talk about. "I'd never forgive myself if I let him get burned again" she hadn't been there; but she'd promised herself she was gonna watch out for him. "Firefighters get war wounds too; they are just so different from ours."

There was a pause, "but putting the shoe on the other foot..." The fear and worry in Ben's eyes at every call. "Maybe it isn't about what's right? What if it's about what's right v. what I want?" Stephanie analyzed everything. That was just in her nature. Most thought she was the jump before you look type. That was because of her hotheadedness. Stephanie did look before she leapt; so when she did something extrememly stupid? There was generally a reason. It made her spontaneous decisions that much more dangerous in most cases.

STEPHANIE HARRIS
HEY NUTCASE! STOP BITING THE COMMAND STAFF

✿

[newclass=.tomhov]font-family:calibri;font-size:11px;color:#666666;text-align:center;vertical-align: middle;width:400px;height:250px;overflow:auto;position: absolute;margin-left: -50px;background-color:#040404;opacity:0;-webkit-transition: all 0.5s linear;-moz-transition: all 0.5s linear;-o-transition: all 0.5s linear;-ms-transition: all 0.5s linear;-o-transition: all 0.5s linear;transition: all 0.5s linear;[/newclass]
[newclass=.tomhov:hover]margin-left:0px;opacity:1;-webkit-transition: all 0.5s linear;-moz-transition: all 0.5s linear;-o-transition: all 0.5s linear;-ms-transition: all 0.5s linear;-o-transition: all 0.5s linear;transition: all 0.5s linear;[/newclass]

[Deleted]

James Reagan

tag

words

"I don't want to screws this up." Just regarding her quietly James studied her "What's right? Sometimes I think being in those fires... I'm afraid that worry drives us all. That the split second it takes something to happen. That one moment the worry distracts one of us." James nodded, James didn’t have experience firefighting but he’d heard the stories, but in the same way being a cop had it’s moments too and that was what he knew Steph knew "I'd never forgive myself if I let him get burned again" quirking a brow James didn’t ask "Firefighters get war wounds too; they are just so different from ours." nodding in agreement James took a gulp of coffee "but putting the shoe on the other foot..." James could tell she was heading somewhere "Maybe it isn't about what's right? What if it's about what's right v. what I want?" James contemplated his words again “Steph, before I married Mya, we constantly worried about each other on the job, even if we weren’t at anything major. Especially Mya who...” James didn’t like to speak ill of his wife and her habit but he had to say it, it was who she was “A need to constantly protect me even if I didn’t need protecting” a beat “Even if I had it under control she’d move mountains to get to me, she hated it if I was in danger cause she’d then fight everyone to get to me” James exhaled “She believed that she couldn’t trust anyone else to have my back, and I think that is what made her human, and what makes you and I human - the need to protect those we love” James marked a pause “Steph, she got better, she learned to deal, but it wasn’t easy. Nor was it easy for me to let her continue as a cop, but I knew that if she stayed at home, she’d drive herself mad. She’d still try come find me, same for me if I quit -” he marked a hesitant pause at that confession, knowing that he’d failed somewhere in that area but he quickly carried on talking “But there’s no ‘middle ground’ unless you both decide what would be right, you are not a quitter Steph, I know you. You’re afraid that if something happens to you. He’ll break. Right?” he asked.

notes

♡

[Stephanie Taylor]

[attr="class","tomhov"]

TAG
@james

NOTES

If James thought that Stephanie was protective of people, then he was going to be in for a real shock if he ever met Ben. Stephanie really had nothing on him in that department. Stephanie could see that James never really felt like women should be protective; but he'd clearly learned his lesson in that department so she left it be. The one thing Stephanie never furthered talks about were talks about James' wife. With her luck she would say the wrong thing.

Stephanie fidgeted with her cup. The difference in Steph wasn't Mya and Ben wasn't James. Ben and Stephanie in a room were like sticking two hot heads in a popcorn machine when both of them were in their protective modes especially. Every time the Claxon alarm rang... it was holding their breathes. Though she knew if she left.. she'd still worry. Worrying and understanding was far better than worrying and being lost and confused and unknowing.

Middle ground. As if. Stephanie already KNEW how Ben felt about it. He'd stopped her from quitting, not once but twice. The same day she threatened to quit was the same day she had made squad. Rolling her hands over on her bracelet she let the charm fall back into her hands. Stephanie knew Ben wouldn't let her give up on this either. That didn't mean she didn't still struggle with it. Ben and Steph talked but never about anything profoundly deep and they both avoided their pasts like the plague. Though that was working about as well as setting a bull loose in a china shop.

STEPHANIE HARRIS
HEY NUTCASE! STOP BITING THE COMMAND STAFF

✿

[newclass=.tomhov]font-family:calibri;font-size:11px;color:#666666;text-align:center;vertical-align: middle;width:400px;height:250px;overflow:auto;position: absolute;margin-left: -50px;background-color:#040404;opacity:0;-webkit-transition: all 0.5s linear;-moz-transition: all 0.5s linear;-o-transition: all 0.5s linear;-ms-transition: all 0.5s linear;-o-transition: all 0.5s linear;transition: all 0.5s linear;[/newclass]
[newclass=.tomhov:hover]margin-left:0px;opacity:1;-webkit-transition: all 0.5s linear;-moz-transition: all 0.5s linear;-o-transition: all 0.5s linear;-ms-transition: all 0.5s linear;-o-transition: all 0.5s linear;transition: all 0.5s linear;[/newclass]

[Deleted]

James Reagan

tag: 

words

When she didn’t further the conversation over what he’d said about Mya he didn’t push it, he knew Steph avoided conversations with him about Mya, not that he minded, sometimes he didn’t mind but getting others to realise that it was okay was hard enough. He watched her quietly for a moment “So why the bar” he questioned, of all places to see Steph end up at, the bar had been the least likely, hopefully she was just a little more sober to answer that.

He knew why, it was an escape - but he wanted her answer, not his own.

notes

♡